Dysregulated Kids: Science-Backed Parenting Help for Behavior, Anxiety, ADHD and More

• 353: Why Dysregulated Kids Can’t Use Their Executive Function (and What to Do About It)

  Parenting a child who melts down over homework or seemingly simple tasks can feel overwhelming and exhausting. You’re not imagining it—the frustration, tears, and chaos aren’t bad behavior. It’s a dysregulated brain struggling to access its control center.In this episode, let me explain why dysregulated kids can’t use their executive function, what that means for daily life, and practical strategies to help your child regain focus, complete tasks, and strengthen their executive functioning skills.Why does my child melt down after school?Many parents notice that after a long day, their child becomes irritable or shuts down at homework time. This isn’t defiance—it’s a dysregulated brain that’s gone offline.When stress builds, it hijacks the prefrontal cortex, the control center for planning, organization, and impulse control. Your child simply can’t access their executive functions or working memory until their nervous system settles.What’s happening:Stress or sensory overload disrupts brain functions.Transitions and overstimulation lead to poor executive functioning—especially in kids with ADHD or anxiety.Their brain shifts from learning to survival mode.What helps:Co-regulate first. Your calm presence signals safety.Once calm, executive functioning skills like focus, planning, and task completion return.Let’s calm the brain first—because that’s when real learning begins.Download the Executive Functioning Toolkit — packed with science-backed strategies you can start using today to reduce stress and improve focus.How can I help my child focus when they can’t control their emotions?When emotions flood in, logic and problem-solving shut down. This is common in children with ADHD, learning disabilities, or high emotional sensitivity.Regulate first: Deep breaths, movement, or sensory grounding can reset the brain.Break tasks into small, manageable steps to avoid overwhelming a child with poor executive functioning.Use internal self-talk modeling: Narrate your planning out loud to teach cognitive strategies like task initiation and sustained attention.🗣️ “Once calm, your child’s executive functioning skills—like focus, organization, and problem solving—can finally do their job.” –Dr. RoseannWhen your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless.The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.What are executive functioning skills, and why do they matter?Executive functioning skills are the brain’s Job Manager: planning, prioritizing, organizing, controlling impulses, and problem-solving. Without them, even typically developing children can struggle.Start with the end in mind: Visualizing outcomes improves planning and cognitive flexibility.Teach one skill at a time, e.g., starting a task, organizing materials, or remembering steps.Recognize that strengths and weaknesses vary: A child may excel at baseball stats or...

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• 352: Why Lyme Tests Fail: What to Do When Bloodwork Looks Clear with Dr. Bill Rawls

  Parenting a child who’s struggling with mysterious symptoms can be frightening and exhausting. You bring them to the doctor, the tests come back “normal,” and yet you know something isn’t right. You’re not imagining it—it’s real, and you’re not alone.In this episode, Dr. Bill Rawls explains why Lyme disease testing often misses active infections, what it means for your child, and practical steps parents can take to advocate for accurate diagnosis and care.Why does my child keep testing negative for Lyme disease even when symptoms persist?False negatives are common: Many Lyme disease tests, like the ELISA (enzyme linked immunoassay) or Western blot, rely on antibodies that may not appear early or consistently.Early infection can be invisible: During the initial infection or early Lyme disease, the immune system may not have produced enough detectable antibodies for serologic testing.Co-infections complicate results: Other tick-borne illnesses can mask or mimic Lyme disease symptoms, making accurate diagnosis even harder.Persistent or chronic infections: Sometimes, persistent infection or chronic Lyme can continue even after a negative test. Clinical findings, medical history, and physical examination help guide your provider toward the right diagnosis of Lyme disease.It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated system of testing, not a failure of your vigilance.Even when bloodwork looks clear, your child may still have an active infection. Understanding test limitations helps reduce frustration and empowers you to take action.How can I tell if Lyme disease is being missed in my child?Watch for persistent, nonspecific symptoms: Fatigue, joint pain, headaches, or cognitive changes can appear long before tests turn positive.Consider medical history and exposure: Tick bites, outdoor activities, or living in endemic areas provide important clues.Use clinical judgment alongside lab tests: A single blood test rarely tells the full story; doctors often need multiple tests and examinations.You don’t have to wait for a positive blood test to validate your child’s suffering.Ready to help your child calm down quickly and regain control? Start using Quick Calm today and discover simple, science-backed strategies to regulate their nervous system.What are the limitations of standard Lyme disease testing?ELISA and Western blot tests measure antibodies, not bacteria directly: If your child’s immune system hasn’t produced detectable antibodies, the test can look clear.False positives and delayed diagnosis are common: Inaccurate results can delay treatment, allowing Lyme bacteria to persist and cause chronic symptoms.Tests vary in performance: Different labs, methods, and timing of testing affect results.Let’s calm the brain first—then focus on gathering the right information without panic.Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.What should parents do if Lyme disease tests come back negative?Keep a detailed symptom log: Track fatigue, joint pain, rashes, and cognitive...

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• 351: How to Calm Your Child Without Saying a Word

  Have you ever noticed that the more you explain, the more your child melts down? Parenting a child who reacts this way can leave you exhausted, frustrated, and worried. You try to reason, but instead of calming down, your child gets even more upset. In this episode, I’ll share why talking often backfires when kids are upset, and how your calm presence, body language, and deep breaths can help your child regulate without words. You’ll discover the brain science behind co-regulation and walk away with simple, practical strategies you can use in the moment to help your child feel safe.Why does talking make my child more upset instead of calming them?When kids are dysregulated, their brain shifts into fight, flight, or freeze. Logic and language shut down, and many parents notice that their words actually feel overwhelming instead of calming.More words = more stimulation → which leads to bigger emotions.A calm body speaks louder than lectures.Behavior is communication, not defiance.🗣️ “In the heat of the moment, silence and co-regulation calm the brain faster than explanations.” – Dr. RoseannWhat can I do in the moment when my child is losing control?Instead of talking, use your body language and presence to signal safety. This is what helps many kids settle down.Take a deep breath before you respond. Ask yourself: Am I regulated enough to help my child right now?Soften your body → drop your shoulders, relax your arms, loosen your jaw.Stay at their level → for toddlers, sit on the floor; for older kids, sit nearby. Don’t loom over them.Eye contact is optional → for some children, less is more.Your calm cues reduce cortisol and show your child they are safe.When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless.The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control.Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.How do I calm my child without words?Co-regulation works through silent strategies that their nervous system picks up instantly.Use rhythmic cues → slow breathing, gentle rocking, or humming. A predictable rhythm helps kids reset.Offer safe touch if welcomed → a hug, a hand on the shoulder, or letting them crawl into your lap.Stay present, not pressuring → don’t force them to talk or “explain” while upset.Kids can borrow your calm until they find their own.When your child is stuck in dysregulation, more effort isn’t the answer—a reset is. Quick CALM shows you how to calm the brain first with science-backed tools that get real results.Can my calm really teach my child self-regulation?Yes—science backs this up. Mirror neurons mean kids sync with your state, not your words. Over time, they learn to regulate by practicing alongside you.Your calm presence is the model → kids copy what they see and feel.Safety cues build connection → when a child feels safe, their brain learns new ways to manage emotions.Consistency matters → the more you practice, the more your child’s brain wires for regulation.Staying calm is not just about this moment—it’s...

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• 350: 3 Signs You’re Co-Regulating Right (and 2 You’re Not)

  Co-regulation is one of the most powerful tools we have to help children learn how to manage emotions, but many parents wonder: Am I even doing it right? When your own emotions feel overwhelming and your child’s emotions are spilling over, it can be hard to know if what you’re doing is helping.In this episode, I break down the signs you’re co-regulating effectively—and the red flags that mean you’re missing the mark. By the end, you’ll know how to create more emotional safety for your child, model healthy coping strategies, and begin to calm the brain first so that both self regulation and connection grow stronger, even in moments of emotional dysregulation.How do I know if co-regulation is actually working?When you’re practicing co-regulation, look for these green lights:You pause before reacting—even if you’re still triggered inside. That moment of not reacting right away wires calm into your nervous system and models it for your child.Your child returns to baseline faster. Meltdowns don’t magically disappear, but recovery time shortens when your child feels emotional support.You’re less reactive and more present. Instead of personalizing your child’s behavior, you can stay grounded and focus on connection.These are powerful signs you’re co-regulating right, even if the journey is messy. Remember: behavior is communication, not misbehavior.Why does my child stay upset for so long?Parents often worry: Why can’t my child just “get over it”? The truth is, dysregulated kids get stuck in stress responses.When co-regulation is working, you’ll notice:Less escalation over time—strong emotions are still there, but the intensity fades faster.More trust and closeness after difficult moments. Your child feels safe knowing you didn’t “hold it against them.”Children begin to use their own words and tools. Over time, kids copy what you model: deep breathing, naming feelings, and even humor.Emotional regulation isn’t instant. It’s about progress, not perfection.Am I making mistakes with co-regulation?Yes—every parent does. The key is knowing what might get in the way:Performing calm instead of being calm. If you’re smiling on the outside but resentful or tense inside, kids feel it in your body language, tone, and facial expressions.Rushing to fix emotions. Instead of shutting down your child’s big feelings, ride the wave with them. That’s how children learn self-regulation skills and trust that emotions aren’t life-threatening.If irritation or anger doesn’t ease over time, it may be a sign to get extra support for your own stress responses.Yelling less and staying calm isn’t about being perfect—it’s about having the right tools.Join the Dysregulation Insider VIP list and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit, designed to help you handle oppositional behaviors without losing it.Download it now at www.drroseann.com/newsletterWhat helps me co-regulate more effectively?Parents can build co-regulation strategies into daily life by checking in with their own emotional states first. Try:Slow, deep breathing before approaching your child.Body scans—ask yourself, Where am I tense? Can I soften this?Eye contact and active listening to show emotional support.Repair after tough moments—apologies and reconnection are powerful tools for healthy...

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• 349: Are Rewards and Consequences Hurting Your Child Instead of Helping?

  Parenting a child who doesn’t respond to sticker charts, time-outs, or threats can feel defeating. You’ve tried rewards, consequences, and everything in between—and still the meltdowns, backtalk, and battles keep happening. You’re not alone.In this episode, I explain why rewards and consequences don’t land for dysregulated kids and what you can do instead. You’ll learn the brain science behind why your child can’t connect actions to outcomes in meltdown mode, plus practical strategies to shift from frustration to regulation.Why don’t rewards and consequences work for my child?Many parents wonder why their child’s behavior doesn’t change despite sticker charts, time out, or taking away toys. The truth is:A dysregulated brain can’t learn. When kids are in survival mode, their emotional brain takes over and logic shuts down.Rewards only stick when the brain is calm. Extrinsic rewards like tangible rewards or material rewards can’t replace intrinsic motivation.Consequences may backfire. Punishment often increases frustration, lowers a child’s self-esteem, and damages connection.It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. Let’s calm the brain first so your child can actually absorb lessons and develop lasting skills.How do I respond when my child’s behavior feels out of control?When your child’s actions push every button you have, it’s tempting to react with harsher discipline. But behavior is communication, and what looks like “bad behavior” is often a stress response.Here’s what helps instead:Pause before reacting. Ask yourself: “Is my child regulated enough for this to land?”Co-regulate first. A calm presence, gentle tone, and predictable routines teach safe and appropriate behavior more than threats ever will.Connection before correction. When your child feels seen and safe, they’re far more likely to return to positive behaviors.This shift helps your child learn that they’re not a “bad kid,” but a person developing the ability to manage emotions and actions.Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.What can I do to actually teach my child positive behaviors?Kids don’t learn self-control through punishment—they learn through practice in everyday life when they’re calm.Model regulation. Show how adults handle frustration with empathy and consistency.Teach in calm moments. Coping skills, flexibility, and problem-solving only stick when your child is regulated.Use natural consequences. These are more effective than arbitrary punishments because they’re tied to specific behaviors.For example, if your child forgets homework, the natural consequence is explaining to their teacher—not losing screen time.Encourage effort, not just results. Praise hard work, practice, and small successes to build a child’s self-esteem and intrinsic motivation.Remember, positive reinforcement doesn’t mean bribery—it means helping your child connect actions to outcomes in a way that builds confidence and responsibility.Want real tools that actually work in the heat of a meltdown? Inside

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