Why do some people make every conversation better? Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist and author Charles Duhigg (Supercommunicators, The Power of Habit) returns to reveal the science behind connection that anyone can learn. In this conversation with AJ and Johnny, Charles explains why “super communicators” aren’t extroverts or natural charmers—they’re people who consistently use a handful of skills that make others feel smart, heard, and valued.
From NASA astronaut interviews to speed dating experiments, Charles shares practical techniques like “looping for understanding,” perspective-getting, and callbacks that transform awkward or tense moments into genuine connection. Whether you’re navigating conflict with your boss, strengthening friendships, or reconnecting with someone after years apart, these tools will help you communicate with intention, build trust, and leave every conversation stronger than when it started.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] What makes a “super communicator” and why it’s not charisma
[00:01:22] The Dartmouth study on “high centrality” people who make teams gel
[00:03:08] Why the best leaders ask instead of tell
[00:04:19] Communication as a skill—not a personality trait
[00:07:38] Laughter as a social signal, not just humor
[00:09:34] Why friendships at work predict happiness and retention
[00:15:14] How to start tough conversations with clarity and intention
[00:23:05] Proving you listened: the power of looping for understanding
[00:26:01] Why understanding each other matters more than agreeing
[00:33:27] Three steps for navigating difficult conversations (deep question, declare intention, acknowledge discomfort)
[00:42:24] How callbacks drive connection—from speed dating to parenting
[00:45:55] Charles’ daily practice for staying connected and curious
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Episode resources:
Charles Duhigg
Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection
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54:00
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54:00
3 Low-Value Behaviors That Quietly Kill Your Respect | Social Intelligence Brief
Ever wonder why people don’t take you seriously—even when you’re smart and hardworking? In this episode, AJ and Johnny reveal the three most common low value signals that quietly repel respect: being supplicative (begging for approval), combative (using force or intimidation), and competitive (constantly one-upping). Backed by research from UCLA, Harvard, and game theory, they explain how these blind spots sabotage influence and connection—and how to flip them into high value behaviors that attract trust, respect, and opportunity.
You’ll learn why excessive apologizing, fake “alpha” dominance, and relentless bragging send the wrong message, and how small shifts—like standing tall, reframing with “we” language, and spotlighting others—instantly change how people respond to you. If you’ve ever felt overlooked, underestimated, or like your hard work isn’t respected, this episode shows you how to break free from low value patterns and project real confidence.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] Why people don’t take you seriously: the hidden impact of low value signals
[00:01:02] Supplicative behaviors—apologizing, shrinking, and begging for approval
[00:02:36] The “nice guy” conundrum: why being accommodating makes you forgettable
[00:03:25] Combative behaviors—dominance, intimidation, and fake alpha posturing
[00:03:48] Why real strength is presence, not shouting
[00:04:14] Competitive behaviors—one-upping, bragging, and name-dropping
[00:05:31] Why constant competition makes you high-maintenance
[00:06:03] High achievers’ blind spot: mistaking resumes for personality
[00:06:24] Client story: Jim’s sales calls flipped once he stopped proving himself
[00:07:21] The three low value signals summed up—and the high value alternative
[00:07:46] Weekly challenge: audit your signals and flip them into high value behaviors
[00:08:11] Take the free Influence Index quiz to discover your influence score
A Word From Our Sponsors
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The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the artofcharm.com/intel for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back.
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Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at makeheadway.com/CHARM and use my code CHARM for 25% off.
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10:48
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10:48
How to Leverage Status for Career Growth | Toby Stuart
Why do some people rise effortlessly while others go unnoticed? Toby E. Stuart, Leo Helzel Distinguished Professor of Business Administration at UC Berkeley’s Haas School of Business, joins AJ and Johnny to reveal how social status—not just talent—shapes careers, opportunities, and success. Drawing from decades of research on social networks and status dynamics, Toby explains why recognition compounds like interest, why affiliation often matters more than merit, and how “anointing” can quietly decide who wins in today’s winner-take-most world.
From Nobel Prizes to Michelin stars to online platforms like Yelp, Stuart uncovers the paradox of prestige: success is as much about who endorses you as what you achieve. He also explores the dark side of status—scams, pressure to maintain it, and the loneliness of reaching the top. If you’ve ever felt overlooked despite strong results, this episode exposes the hidden rules of the status game and how to finally play it smarter.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] Why affiliation and endorsements boost status more than raw merit
[00:01:17] The Matthew Effect: small early wins snowball into long-term success
[00:03:14] How identity shapes evaluation—Lord Rayleigh’s “voodoo science” story
[00:06:05] Achieved vs. ascribed status and why both determine outcomes
[00:08:32] Algorithms as modern gatekeepers of status
[00:13:16] Why “anointers” now include platforms like Instagram, LinkedIn, and Yelp
[00:17:26] How status transfers through networks like kinetic energy
[00:23:25] The rise (and risk) of gaming the status system
[00:27:42] The hamster wheel of high status: pressure, scrutiny, and imposter syndrome
[00:33:42] Why authentic friendships become harder at the top
[00:40:29] The future of status in the age of AI and algorithms
A Word From Our Sponsors
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The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the artofcharm.com/intel for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back.
Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.
Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at makeheadway.com/CHARM and use my code CHARM for 25% off.
Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.
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Curious about your influence level?
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Episode resources:
TobyStuart.com
Annointed
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49:05
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49:05
Why High-Value People Don’t Avoid Conflict | Social Intel Brief
Do you avoid conflict—or use it to grow your influence? In this episode, AJ and Johnny share a science-backed framework for conflict resolution that transforms tense moments into opportunities for trust and leadership. Drawing on John Gottman’s research on relationships and Google’s Project Aristotle findings on high-performing teams, they reveal why conflict isn’t a problem to eliminate—it’s a chance to deepen respect and build long-term influence.
You’ll learn a step-by-step system to handle everyday workplace and relationship conflicts without burning bridges: lead with value, accept responsibility, show empathy, and present solutions that create buy-in. With stories from clients like Marcus, a consultant at BCG, AJ and Johnny show how mastering conflict resolution can make you the person others turn to when stakes are high. If you’ve ever felt conflict-averse, this episode gives you practical tools to stay calm, confident, and in control.
What to Listen For
[00:00:00] Why avoiding conflict costs you influence
[00:00:56] How conflict avoidance limits your “career chessboard” moves
[00:01:27] The science of conflict: shifting from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem”
[00:02:43] The High-Value Conflict Framework explained
[00:03:28] Step 1: Lead with value to disarm defensiveness
[00:03:54] Step 2: Accept responsibility without weakness
[00:06:23] Step 3: Use empathy and “we” language to build trust
[00:07:26] Step 4: Present options, not ultimatums
[00:09:18] Why well-resolved conflicts create stronger bonds
[00:11:03] Client story: how Marcus became the go-to conflict solver
[00:11:29] Why mastering conflict is the ticket to influence
A Word From Our Sponsors
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Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.
Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at makeheadway.com/CHARM and use my code CHARM for 25% off.
Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.
Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.
This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm
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Curious about your influence level?
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14:40
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14:40
The Truth About Psychological Safety | Colin M Fisher
Why do brilliant individuals so often create dysfunctional groups? AJ and Johnny sit down with organizational behavior professor Colin Fisher, author of The Collective Edge, to unpack the science of collaboration and why most teams achieve less than the sum of their parts. From the rise of individualism to the misunderstood role of psychological safety, Colin explains why we get group projects wrong—and what it really takes to create synergy.
They explore why conformity isn’t always bad, how to design groups that avoid wasted meetings, why hierarchy quietly kills dissent, and how healthy conflict (not harmony) fuels breakthroughs. Whether you’re running a team, stuck in endless meetings, or dreading your next group project, this episode gives you the science-backed playbook for making groups work.
What to Listen For
[00:00:20] Why groups fail despite individual brilliance
[00:01:07] How a government scandal inspired Colin’s research on groupthink
[00:02:26] Why some conformity pressure is necessary for groups
[00:04:26] The “fundamental attribution error” and our bias toward individual heroes
[00:06:30] Why most meetings are badly designed and destroy synergy
[00:10:15] Colin’s experience as a musician—and what bands teach us about synergy
[00:15:23] How hierarchy silences voices and breeds groupthink
[00:20:17] The real meaning of psychological safety (hint: it’s not kumbaya)
[00:24:52] How to bring out contributions from introverts
[00:32:41] The warning signs of dysfunctional conformity
[00:35:43] Task conflict vs. relationship conflict—and why one helps and the other destroys
[00:44:38] Rethinking leadership as a team sport, not an individual role
A Word From Our Sponsors
Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at unlockyourxfactor.com
The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the artofcharm.com/intel for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back.
Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns.
Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at makeheadway.com/CHARM and use my code CHARM for 25% off.
Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm.
Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm.
This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm
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Curious about your influence level?
Get your Influence Index Score today!
Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence.
Episode resources:
ColinMFisher.com
The Collective Edge
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The Art of Charm is where self-motivated people, just like you, come to learn from the company’s coaches about to how to master human dynamics, relationships, and becoming your best self with the help of Johnny and AJ, the company’s founders. Johnny and AJ bring their 11 years of coaching experience from their famous Bootcamps, where they host clients in Los Angeles from all over the world and they share their stories, best practices and themselves on this weekly podcast. Not only does The Art of Charm help everyday people, including active members of the military, learn how to become higher performers, better spouses, partners, and coworkers, they dig deep into human behavior, the science behind it, and demystify what we do and why we do it.
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