Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast

• 17: Wheel of Consent: The Art of Receiving and Giving, with Dr. Betty Martin

  “My pleasure ceiling used to be at about a tablespoon, and then it went up to a cup, and then it went up to a quart, and then it went up to a gallon, and now it's an ocean.” – Betty MartinDisclaimer: This episode contains discussions of touch, consent, sexual activity and sex work. Listener discretion is advised.Patricia welcomes Betty Martin, creator of the internationally taught Wheel of Consent, to explore how this transformative practice intersects with Internal Family Systems (IFS). Betty shares her journey from chiropractor to sexological bodyworker and intimacy coach. She shares how her observations of her clients’ difficulties knowing what they wanted led to developing the Wheel, a model that distinguishes between "who is doing" and "who it's for" in touch dynamics, enabling clarity, confidence, and embodied pleasure.The conversation delves into the Wheel's four quadrants—serving, taking, accepting, and allowing—and how they relate to IFS concepts like protector parts, legacy burdens, and Self Energy. Betty and Patty discuss how the Wheel helps build internal awareness, negotiate consent, and overcome patterned responses that are not aligned with authentic pleasure. They emphasize the importance of slowing down to notice body sensations and build trust with protective parts, and the radical impact that claiming one’s erotic truth can have on living an empowered life.They address common challenges, such as blending with parts during touch, the impact of trauma on consent, and the role of the Wheel in professional settings like therapy and bodywork. Betty reflects on her retirement from hands-on work and the evolution of the School of Consent, highlighting the practice's applicability beyond touch to everyday interactions.About Dr. Betty Martin: Betty is a chiropractor, facilitator, intimacy coach, teacher, author, and founder of the School of Consent. She developed the Wheel of Consent, a groundbreaking model and practice for clarity in touch and consent, drawing from her decades of experience in bodywork and somatics. She lives in a community, is a mother of three, and grandmother of two.Connect with Betty:Website: http://bettymartin.org/Book: https://www.wheelofconsentbook.com/School of Consent: https://www.schoolofconsent.org/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbettymartin/Wheel of Consent Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thewheelofconsent/Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarichSign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

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• 16: Talking about Sex with IFS Founder Dr. Richard Schwartz

  “There's often lots of confusion that people have about why they feel the way they do sexually, and a lot of delicate kinds of negotiating with your partner. And so I think the model really does help free people up to... ask these inner questions to find out why parts are interfering or why their proclivities are what they are." Dr. Richard SchwartzDisclaimer: This episode contains topics related to sexual activity, anatomy, and abuse and listener discretion is advised.In this episode of the Self-led in Bed podcast, Patricia welcomes Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS), to discuss how IFS can be a transformative tool for navigating the complexities of sexuality, healing sexual trauma, and fostering Self-led intimacy. The conversation explores how IFS helps individuals understand and work with their sexual parts, addressing both personal and relational dilemmas, from everyday sexual challenges to profound wounds caused by abuse.Patricia and Dick delve into the ways IFS supports people in exploring their sexual identities, desires, and boundaries, particularly in the context of societal stigma, religious burdens, and cultural pressures. They discuss how protective parts may use sexuality to manage or suppress exiled parts carrying shame or trauma, and how Self Energy can create a safe space for internal consent and authentic connection. Dick shares insights from his work with survivors of sexual abuse, individuals with complex sexual identities, and those navigating kink or taboo attractions, emphasizing the importance of depolarizing internal conflicts and healing exiles stuck in past wounds. The episode also touches on the role of sexuality as a source of joy, creativity, and relational intimacy.About Dr. Richard Schwartz: He is the creator of Internal Family Systems (IFS), a transformative, evidence-based model of psychotherapy. Based outside Chicago, Illinois, he has dedicated his career to helping individuals heal from trauma and navigate complex internal systems. Dr. Schwartz has authored numerous books, including No Bad Parts, and has trained thousands of therapists worldwide in the IFS model. His work emphasizes the inherent value of all parts and the healing power of Self Energy.Connect with Dr. Schwartz: Website: https://ifs-institute.com Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarichSign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

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• 15: What the heck is IFS?

  “What if your internal conflicts weren’t a problem to fix, but an invitation to listen and love yourself more deeply?” Patricia RichAre you wondering what the heck is IFS? And what does it have to do with sexuality? In this special solo episode closing out Season One of Self-Led in Bed, Patricia shares a clear and heartfelt introduction to IFS, starting with what it actually is and how it is being applied in diverse contexts, and then sharing the story of how it was birthed and developed by Richard Schwartz, and why she believes this model is such a powerful framework for exploring sexuality for purposes of healing, health, pleasure,empowerment, and more. Whether you're completely new to IFS or already familiar with its language, this episode offers an accessible invitation to begin relating to your inner world in a different way.Patricia unpacks the concept of “parts,” explains the qualities of Self, and explores how internal conflicts—especially around sex—are often guided by protective patterns that make emotional sense. She also shares how IFS can help us stop pathologizing ourselves and start cultivating compassionate curiosity, even with the parts that carry pain, shame, or confusion.This episode is a great starting place if you’ve ever wondered what “Self-Led Sexuality” really means—and how it can support more connection, choice, and ease in your body and relationships.Patricia also announces a short break during August and reflects on some of the incredible conversations from Season One.Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarichSign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

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• 14: Menopause, Multiplicity & Medical Care, with Pebble Kranz

  “Sexual health is about being in your body now and finding pleasure in the present moment.” – Dr. Pebble KranzDisclaimer: This episode contains discussion of sexuality,  genitals, menopause, and related topics. Listener discretion is advised.Moodiness, hot flashes, poor sleep, libido shifts…the menopausal transition which half the world’s population will experience goes smoothly for some women and can wreak havoc for others, disrupting their  sense of self, emotional stability, and sexual satisfaction. While menopause is starting to come out of the closet in popular culture, there are still far too few medical providers who know when to bring it up, what to ask, how to listen, and what options are most helpful for the emotional, physical, and sexual well-being of their patients. Today’s guest shows us how different this can be. Not only is  Dr. Pebble Kranz a Family Physician and a Sexual and Menopause Medicine Specialist, she also is IFS-informed and brings compassionate and affirming  care to her patients of all genders. Pebble shares her journey from theater to family medicine , driven by a passion for stories. The conversation delves into the lack of medical training around sexual health, the impact of menopause on physical and emotional well-being, and the transformative power of trauma-informed pelvic exams. Pebble offers practical insights, including three key questions to center patients’ sexual  goals and desires, and emphasizes the importance of present-moment pleasure and self-advocacy in medical settings.Pebble Kranz, MD, FECSM, IF, MSCP  graduated from Brown University's Medical School in 2007 and completed residency with the University of Rochester Family Medicine Residency Program in 2011. After serving as residency faculty and a primary care doctor for the University of Rochester, Dr. Kranz pursued additional training in sexual, menopause, and gender medicine, earning fellowships from the European Committee on Sexual Medicine, the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health, certification from the Menopause Society as a menopause medicine practitioner, as well as status as an Advanced Practitioner in Optimal Sexual Experiences Group Couples Therapy. She serves on the board of the Scientific Network on Female Sexual Health and Cancer and is a consultant to the University of Rochester’s Pluta Breast Center’s Sexual Wellness Clinic. She is founder and medical director for The Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness, providing comprehensive care for sexual, relational, and gender concerns in Western New York.  Dr. Kranz is committed to educating healthcare professionals at all levels and the community on medical care for sexual concerns.Connect with Pebble:www.RochesterCenterForSexualWellness.comhttps://www.facebook.com/rochestercswhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/pebble-kranz-md/https://www.instagram.com/rochestersexualwellness/Follow Patricia on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarichSign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

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• 13: Navigating Neuroqueerness with IFS, with Alessio Rizzo

  “I can find parts that identify as women, parts that identify as drag queens, parts that identify as men, parts that identify as neither of them…parts that identify as androgynous, there is like a huge variety. So for me that distinction [between sexuality and gender] allowed a lot more variety inside.” Alessio RizzoDisclaimer: This episode contains discussions of gender, sexuality, and societal oppression.. Listener discretion is advised.In this episode of the *Self-led in Bed* podcast, Patty welcomes Alessio Rizzo, an IFS Institute Trainer & Approved Clinical Consultant, Content Creator and Podcaster to explore the intersections of gender, sexuality, and neurodiversity through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS). Meeting for the first time, Patty and Alessio share a dynamic conversation about how IFS can foster curiosity, self-acceptance, and liberation when navigating complex and marginalized identities.Alessio shares his personal journey as a gender-fluid, gay, neurodivergent person of Italian origin, currently living in the UK, highlighting the burdens of gender non-conformity and societal expectations from childhood. He discusses the liberation of distinguishing gender expression from sexual orientation within his system, allowing parts to embody diverse gender identities—such as drag queens, androgynous, or non-gendered—while his sexual orientation remains consistent. The conversation delves into the concept of “neuroqueering,” the overlap between neurodivergence and queerness, and how IFS supports internal multiplicity, freeing individuals from rigid labels. They address the current global climate of oppression affecting queer and trans communities, emphasizing the importance of safe spaces like Alessio’s upcoming *Gender Journeys* workshop, which focuses on processing disenfranchised grief from suppressed gender expressions. Alessio and Patty also reflect on the nature of Self-Energy, the interplay of embodied and transcendent aspects, and the power of exploring identity with the consent of the system.About Alessio Rizzo: Alessio Rizzo (He / They) is an IFS Trainer, educator, author and content creator. His IFS blogs (therapywithalessio.com) reach thousands of readers every month and he is co-producing the "Queering IFS" podcast, in which he explores how IFS interfaces with gender, sexuality and neurodiversity. Alessio identifies as  gay, genderfluid and neurodivergent. Amongst his contributions to the IFS field, Alessio has created dyslexia-friendly infographics (which can be found on his website) as well as educational content on Polyamory and Kink from an IFS perspective.Connect with Alessio: www.therapywithalessio.comFollow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarichSign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

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