The Angry Therapist Podcast

Why do we remain stuck in the same patterns, compare ourselves to our partner’s past, or wait for an ex to give us closure?

In Episode 26 of Therapy Thursdays, John answers your most personal questions about identity, intimacy, insecurity, attachment and relationships. He explains why meaningful change requires us to let go of an old version of ourselves - and why the familiar can feel safe even when it is making us unhappy.

He also explores what true intimacy looks like after the performance falls away, how to respond when a partner asks for space, and what couples are really trying to communicate beneath everyday arguments. From protest behaviour and defensiveness to breakups, reconciliation and the need for an apology, this episode is about recognising what is happening underneath the surface.

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE

My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’m breaking down the biggest ways I think we sabotage our own healing, relationships, and lives. This conversation came from a post that resonated with millions of people and grew into a series because these patterns are so common - and so easy to mistake for growth.

I talk about why insight isn’t the same as change, why breakups aren’t something we simply “get over,” why divorce doesn’t automatically mean failure, and why chasing happiness can keep us disconnected from a life that actually feels meaningful.

I talk about:

Why knowing my attachment style doesn’t automatically change my behavior.

How self-awareness can become another place to hide.

Why healing eventually becomes about execution, not explanation.

Why I don’t believe we truly get over people we deeply loved.

How grief includes losing the future I imagined with someone.

Why divorce doesn’t erase a real or meaningful marriage.

How staying because of fear is different from staying because of love.

Why happiness was never meant to be my permanent destination.

What I’ve started choosing instead of making happiness my North Star.

If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it.

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE

My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when I know better but still find myself repeating the same relationship patterns? I answer 10 questions about love, attachment, obsession, loneliness, breakups, abuse, reconciliation, and the difficult choices we make when relationships activate something deeper inside us.

I talk about why we can confuse familiarity with safety, why we sometimes become addicted to what another person does to our nervous system, and how to tell the difference between attachment anxiety and intuition. I also explore why some relationships are worth experiencing even if they aren't meant to last, and why being lonely inside a relationship can make attention from an ex feel so powerful.

In this episode:

• Why repetition compulsion can make us recreate emotional dynamics that hurt us

• How familiar can become confused with safe

• Why obsession with another person can actually be a form of emotional regulation

• How to distinguish attachment anxiety from intuition

• How to tell whether you're fighting for a relationship or fighting against grieving it

• Why not every meaningful relationship has to become a lifelong one

• Why I don't believe there is necessarily one person who is the one

• What loneliness inside a relationship can reveal about what you're actually missing

• Why leaving an abusive relationship can be much more complicated than simply knowing you should leave

• When friendship with an ex is actually just another way of holding on

• Why long-term relationships can become disconnected and what it can look like to find each other again

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE

My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is the difference between loving someone and becoming obsessed with them? In this episode, I explore how love can slowly turn into fixation, fantasy, and emotional dependency, and why so many of us confuse chemistry with compatibility.

Recording from a hotel room, I reflect on my own experiences with emotional intensity, attachment patterns, love addiction, fantasy, and obsession, as well as the challenge of building a life that doesn’t revolve around one person.

In this episode, I talk about:

Why obsession is often about identity, not the other person

The difference between chemistry and compatibility

How fantasy creates emotional intensity

Why intermittent reinforcement is so addictive

The connection between obsession, attachment wounds, and love addiction

How emotional intensity and expanding your life can change your perspective on relationships

Why I believe a healthy relationship requires a life that is bigger than the relationship itself

What it means to choose yourself without becoming emotionally isolated

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE

My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The house I grew up in is probably still living inside me. And the house you grew up in may still be living inside you, too.

I’m recording from a diner in Mexico City and exploring one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves: What was the emotional climate of the home I grew up in?

This conversation goes far beyond nostalgia or childhood memories. I explore how the emotional atmosphere we grew up in - whether it was chaotic, unpredictable, emotionally distant, performance-driven, or conflict-avoidant - can continue shaping our relationships, attachment patterns, self-worth, and nervous system responses decades later.

Drawing from my own experiences and years of therapeutic work, I break down four types of emotionally immature parents and how growing up around these dynamics can wire us to become caretakers, perfectionists, conflict avoiders, or people who feel guilty for having needs at all.

This isn’t about blaming our parents. It’s about understanding how those early experiences taught us to relate to ourselves. Because real adulthood begins when we learn how to become the safest place we’ve ever lived.

In this episode:

• Why the emotional climate of your childhood matters more than the physical house

• The signs of an emotionally ruled parent

• How hypervigilance can get mistaken for empathy

• Why driven parents can unintentionally tie love to achievement

• What passive parents can teach us about conflict and boundaries

• How rejecting parents can create adults who apologize for existing

• Why we often choose familiarity in relationships, not randomness

• The connection between childhood emotional neglect and adult anxious attachment

• What reparenting actually looks like in everyday life

• The question I want you to ask yourself about the emotional climate you may still be carrying today

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE

My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices