Ask Christopher West

Questions answered this episode:
I'm a young man currently discerning the priesthood and applying to enter the seminary next year. For most of my life, I've struggled with lust and masturbation. Even though I'm in control today, I know this is a cross I have to bear for the rest of my life. What is your opinion on day counting or keeping streaks as an additional way of motivating myself to stay pure and chaste? Second, is this journey of growing in chastity for the priesthood perhaps a way for God to actually prepare me for marriage and to treat a future wife rightly and well?
I’ve been doing the 33-day consecration to St. Joseph, and I’m on day 13. I’m deeply disturbed by the readings today, especially ones that talk about the virginity of St. Joseph and even the virginity of St. John the Apostle. Somehow, in the entire text, it gives the idea that remaining a virgin is somehow better, more pure, and more chaste than being married and trying for children. I understand why Mary was virgin, at least a little bit now, mostly because of TOB. But the fact that St. Joseph and even St. John the Apostle are virgins simply because it is pure, and God will only give Mary to a virgin, somehow discourages me greatly from performing my marital duties to my husband. Why is being a virgin pure, and marriage not pure?
My husband and I have four children, ages six, four, two, and almost nine months. We both work full-time and have always been open to life. But at the moment, we do really feel at capacity. I am still exclusively breastfeeding the baby. We understand the church's teaching on contraception, and we're not using contraception. But I would like to know what the church teaches on sex in a marriage when you do not feel open to life in the season that you're in.

Love & Responsibility YouTube Series with Matt Fradd

Questions answered this episode:
1. You talk on your podcast about how a spouse is vast and deep interiorly, using the analogy of deep sea diving. If you commit to exploring that interior life, you'll never be bored. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. Recently, some things from our pre-marriage days came up. That hurt deeply, but helped us grow deeper together. The past seems like the most obvious place to go deep sea diving, but we don't want to constantly hash out past events. How can we apply your analogy to the present and future? What does this practically look like?
2. I was recently watching a video of a doctor trying to save a newborn's life since he was not breathing. Someone said in the comments, "That cry was all I wanted to hear." That led me to ask myself: why is crying the first thing we do when we are born? And why is that cry basically vital in order to know the baby's okay? Do you think that has something theological to tell us? Is it like some cry of the heart that's manifested through our body as we come out of our mother's womb?
3. I had a vasectomy before I converted, and now would very much like to get it reversed. Obviously, the cost is a huge hurdle, and I understand that you have helped many people find the resources to have this done. I'm wondering how I can achieve this. Thank you in advance, and God bless you for the incredible work that you do.

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

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Questions answered this episode:
1. I've been married for over 10 years. My spouse and I have a good solid faith filled relationship. Sometimes, however, the thought of having a spiritual director sounds interesting to me. I just wondered what spiritual direction looks like for a married individual. Part of me feels like having a spiritual director would take the place of sharing deep things with my spouse. How can spiritual direction build upon an already solid marriage without detracting from it?
2. Does theology the body teach us anything about hunting? I'm an avid deer hunter. I respect the lives of animals. But I also know that God commanded man to have authority and care for the animals, allowing us to eat meat. However, I feel this tug at my heart in regards to hunting that I didn't feel before. I've come to realize that taking the life of an animal can be profound and treated with respect. I've hunted with guys who not feel this respect. They have more of a warlike mentality. Do you have any thoughts for me?
3. I'm a licensed clinical social worker working through sexual issues with a client. The wife reports they were taught TOB in college that they should not end the sexual encounter until the wife has an orgasm. The issue is that the encounter is going really long; the husband is becoming frustrated and tired, and the wife will often have a panic attack due to the stress while trying to climax. They are devoutly Catholic and want to follow what the church teaches. What would you tell someone experiencing psychological or emotional distress during the sexual encounter, according to Theology of the Body?

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

---

🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:
I'm currently dating a good Catholic man. I feel we may be called to marriage, and a deepening of our prayer life together may help us better discern that call. We pray the rosary together every night, which has been a tremendous blessing. But I feel the need to expose my heart in prayer with him in a way that the rosary does not fully allow. I was not raised in a family that prayed aloud, so I'm not sure how to start this practice with him. What are some practical ways dating Catholic couples can deepen their prayer life together?
Body is self, inseparable from soul because we are a body-soul composite. Fornication is a real bodily union, which must mean total union of persons. Doesn't union mean self-gift? But I thought real self-gift can only happen in marriage. I thought for a while in fornication it was less of a gift of the body and more like giving access to the body, but that would seem too little in light of 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verse 16: "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, the two will become one flesh."
I converted two years ago after listening to your episode, and I've now been married for two months to a wonderful Catholic man. We focused on second virginity, and at first, everything about our marital union was incredible. Then it became difficult for me to reach climax at the same time as him. Even though afterward he tries to help me, I'm not able to, and I end up feeling upset and in pain. It has been very draining and sometimes makes me not want to have sexual relations at all, thinking about the emotional toil and potential pain. Do you have any encouragement for this frustrated wife?

TOB2: Into the Deep Course on August 2-7 2026
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Thirsting for Prayer by Jacques Philippe
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JPII’s Letter on the Rosary

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Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

---

📩 Submit your question here!

⚡️ Want to have a better chance of us answering your question and support the Theology of the Body Institute? ⁠⁠⁠Join our Patron Community!⁠⁠⁠

🔥 ⁠⁠⁠Get 3 FREE sessions of our flagship course on Theology of the Body⁠⁠⁠

---

🎟️ Event Schedule

📚 ⁠⁠Course Schedule

🏔️ Pilgrimages

🧠 ⁠List of trusted counselors & psychologists⁠

*If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recommended on this podcast, contact: ⁠⁠michele@tobinstitute.org⁠⁠

Questions answered this episode:
Suppose a couple marries in the Catholic Church but mutually agrees to use contraception initially, intending to have children later. On their wedding night, they engage in marital relations. After seven years, they stop using contraception and have two children. In this situation, would their marriage be considered consummated from the wedding night, even though they were not open to life then, or would consummation occur later when they open themselves to having children? Additionally, if they return to using contraception after their second child, how does this affect the understanding of their marriage's consummation and integrity?
My heart aches because I’ve struggled with my body image since youth, fueled by social media and boys rating girls. I don't have those drastic curvy proportions guys find ideal, and I feared I’d never be a man’s first choice. When I met my boyfriend, he made me feel like the only girl in the world, and I finally started loving my body. However, I recently found out he was hiding secret lustful habits. I’m shocked and my past pain is back. How can I ever feel beautiful or get married now? I just want to wear loose clothing and make my body disappear.
Is it still important for boys to be circumcised now that Jesus has come to establish the new law? I've heard arguments for both sides, and I'm confused.

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Good News About Sex & Marriage
THEOLOGY OF THE BODY FOR BEGINNERS - UPDATED, REVISED & EXPANDED 2018 (PAPERBACK)