The Zen Studies Podcast

This is part one of my "Zen Testimonial," comprised of journal entries, correspondence, and poetry I wrote between 1995 and 2005 – starting just before I got involved in Zen practice and stretching over ten years. I have already told the story of my spiritual journey on the Zen Studies Podcast, but in this episode I give my 20-and-30-something self the chance to tell you directly about some of my experiences. I share because personal accounts - from anyone - can be fascinating and inspiring.

Many people think that the aim of Buddhism is let go of any kind of longing. However, without wholesome desires – to awaken, to act ethically, to honor your relationships, etc. – you wouldn't progress in practice. In Part 1 I started discussing five kinds of appropriate longing based loosely on the Vajrayana teaching of the five wisdom energies, covering Red and Yellow energy longing. In Part 2, I talk about Blue, Green, and White energy.

Many people think that the aim of Buddhism is let go of any kind of longing. However, without wholesome desires – to awaken, to act ethically, to honor your relationships, etc. – you wouldn't progress in practice. I discuss five kinds of appropriate longing based loosely on the Vajrayana teaching of the five wisdom energies.

When we sit Zazen, even if we're working with a koan, we do not actively try to achieve insight. But nonetheless, Chan and Zen masters throughout history have exhorted us to awaken to Reality. How does insight happen when you're "just sitting?" How do you awaken to what you have not yet seen without getting caught up in concepts of enlightenment and delusion, before and after? How do you lean into the unknown if you're trying to let go of any kind of doing at all?

There are countless ways in which we can feel inwardly divided or somehow alienated from our true self. Case 35 of the Mumonkan, or Gateless Gate koan collection addresses this matter with a pointed question about Seijo, the character in a traditional Chinese story who ends up living parallel lives. The koan asks, "Which one is the true Seijo?" Naturally, the answer is "Both… and neither."