Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin

Have you ever wondered why you attract the same type of person over and over or wondered why you keep ending up in the same situation? You might tell yourself you never want to change but end up right back in a similar situation again.

My guest today says there's a reason for that. Every one of us has what she calls a psychological Achilles heel — a tender spot formed early in life around a belief like I'm not lovable or I'm not good enough — and it lies dormant until something or someone presses on it. And we're often unconsciously drawn to the people who press on it, because part of us is trying to go back and finally get it right.

My guest is Dr. Gillian O'Shea Brown, a psychotherapist and complex trauma specialist who authored the textbook Healing Complex PTSD, used at NYU graduate schools.

Some of the things we discuss are:

What a psychological Achilles heel is and why it lies dormant until the wrong person or situation presses on it

Why we unconsciously seek out the people who reopen our oldest wounds

Why your brain will pick familiar chaos over unpredictable peace and how that shows up in dating

Why the butterflies you feel around certain people were never really about attraction

The I AM inventory that reveals who you actually become around specific people

What your body is trying to tell you about the people you spend time with

The Erotic Emotional Map for tracing your relationship patterns back to their earliest source

Why "pruning" your relationships is only half the work and what to do with the empty space that scares most people back into old patterns

How to have the "updated conversations" most married couples never actually have

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for breaking the patterns that keep repeating in your life

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

249 — The Hidden Link Between Childhood Trauma and Chronic Health Issues with Dr. Aimie Apigian

302 — Why You Choose Familiar Pain Over Unfamiliar Peace (and How to Break Free From Those Patterns)

Links & Resources

⁠⁠Psyche's Awakening

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Have you ever felt like you just don't feel anything at all? Not exactly sad, but not happy either. Something good happens and you think, well, that's nice. Something bad happens and you think, okay. And you move through your days feeling sort of flat.

That's emotional numbness. And while it might seem like a good thing to numb yourself to discomfort, there are some downsides to it too.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The winter I couldn't even feel the cold—and how the feeling came back so slowly I almost missed it.

The four different kinds of numb, and why the right response depends on which one you're in.

Why you can't selectively numb the hard feelings without dimming joy and excitement along with them.

The reason feeling numb leaves so many people exhausted—even though it seems like they're not doing anything at all.

Why the feelings you push down don't disappear—and how they resurface two years later in the grocery store.

Why coming back to life isn't a dam bursting, but a dimmer switch your brain controls on purpose.

Why chasing a big emotion (the sad movie, the old photos) often backfires and the small thing to reach for instead.

The "flicker" to watch for, and why motivation follows action here, not the other way around.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

272 — How to Handle Big Emotions: 5 Science-Backed Skills to Stay in Control

332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It

Links & Resources

Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Have you ever finally gotten something that you thought would make you feel worthy, like a degree or a promotion, and you still felt like you weren't good enough? Or maybe when someone gives you a genuine compliment, you feel worse instead of better.

My guest is Dr. Marisa Franco, a psychologist, professor at the University of Maryland, and New York Times bestselling author. And she says we've been lied to about what really builds self-worth. But the good news is, once we learn the truth, we can all increase our self-worth without achieving more.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why compliments and success can actually feel threatening when you're struggling with self-worth

The difference between the two kinds of high self-esteem (and how to tell which one you actually have)

Why "I only date secure people" misses how humans actually work — and the case for being "secure-ish" instead

Why memories are the "database of self-esteem" — and how the brain uses your past to predict your future

How to go back to a painful memory and give your younger self exactly what they needed

Why you don't have to remember what happened to heal past wounds

The three-step framework to try the next time you feel bad about yourself

Healthy ways to handle hard feelings

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for building real self-worth starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠219 — Stop Hating Yourself: A Step-by-Step Guide to Reclaiming Your Worth with Dr. Blaise Aguirre⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

104 — What Your Sentimental Keepsakes Reveal About Your Self-Worth

Links & Resources

⁠Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment

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When's the last time you asked AI to help you with something personal? Maybe you pasted in a text message and asked what the person really meant by it. Maybe you laid out both sides of a hard decision and asked what you should do.

AI can be genuinely helpful for quick answers—but if you're not careful, it may be quietly draining your mental strength. I'm already seeing this unfold in my therapy office as people hand over more and more. And I fell into it myself, running my own emails through Claude before I realized I wasn't getting better information—I was just getting a stamp of approval. In today's episode, I'll explain how leaning on AI can weaken your ability to trust your own judgment, the three things you should never outsource to it, and the simple rule that protects your mind in the age of AI.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The moment I caught myself defaulting to a chatbot instead of my own voice—after decades of writing my own emails without a second thought.

The MIT study on what happens in your brain when you lean on AI to think for you—and the "cognitive debt" you rack up without noticing.

The one simple rule that changes everything about how you use AI (and why the order you do things matters more than you'd think).

Why asking AI about your feelings is really asking for permission to feel them—and the mental strength skill you lose when you do.

The friend who let AI choose between two jobs, moved across the country, and later couldn't explain how he'd made the decision.

Why AI is at its absolute weakest on the decisions that matter most about your life.

The woman whose relationship AI called "avoidant" one day and "securely attached" the next—and what it reveals about outsourcing your read on other people.

Why AI makes an old trap easier than ever: the friend who'd eventually push back at 3am, and the chatbot that never will.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

248 — The 3 Words That Will Make You Mentally Stronger

204 — 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do in Today’s World

Links & Resources

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Most people wait for the right moment, the right feeling, the right amount of information before they change. But my guest today says it all starts when you confront the seven uncomfortable truths that are holding you back.

My guest is Kier Gaines, a licensed professional counselor who reaches more than 40 million people on social media every month. His new book is It All Starts When You Do.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why waiting for the right moment costs you the life you want

The difference between accountability and self-blame

Why self-awareness alone almost never leads to change (and what actually does)

The seven uncomfortable truths and why the first step isn't fixing them, it's getting curious about them

Why affirmations can make you feel worse

Why overwhelm is often a failure of systems, not a failure of your capabilities

The five stages of behavioral change and why knowing which one you're in changes what you should actually do next

Why "I only date healed people" misses how humans actually work

Why distress tolerance might be the single most important skill for growing mentally stronger

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for starting when you're not ready

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠86 — The 6 Stages of Change: How to Transform Your Life

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It⁠

Links & Resources

It All Starts When You Do

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