Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin

You've probably been told that anxiety is a reaction to what's happening in your life. But my guest today says that's not the whole story. Most of your anxiety isn't a reaction to what's actually happening — it's a reaction to what you're imagining might happen.

You get an email that says "can we talk tomorrow?" and your mind writes an entire disaster. Your brain then releases the same stress hormones whether the threat is real or imagined.

My guest is Dr. Cassandra Vieten, a licensed clinical psychologist and director of research at the Arthur C. Clarke Center for Human Imagination at UC San Diego. Her new book is Imagine That.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why you're imagining far more than you think — and how your brain reacts as if what you're imagining is actually happening

The Mark Twain quote about worry that will stop you in your tracks

Why "just think positive" backfires — and what to do with your imagination instead

Your imagination profile — why some people see vivid pictures, others hear narrated stories, and both are valid ways of imagining

How to visit your future self — and the surprising question to ask when you get there

How to tell the difference between rumination and imagination

The dragon-in-the-village metaphor Dr. Vieten uses for addiction — and why a good story can reach truths your logical mind can't

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for using your imagination to grow mentally stronger

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠318 — How to Turn Anxiety Into a Competitive Advantage With a 2-Minute Play That Tricks Your Brain

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠144 — 7 Surprising Strategies That Fix Anxiety (Even Though We Fear These Things Will Make Anxiety Worse)

Links & Resources

⁠Imagine That

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Have you ever achieved something big and, instead of feeling proud, felt like an imposter? Imposter syndrome is common, yet no one wants to talk about it.

But imposter syndrome isn't necessarily a bad thing. And there are steps you can take when you experience it to ensure that it doesn't become an obstacle. Some of the things I talk about today are:

The invitation-only event I earned my way into—and how I still questioned if I belonged.

Why imposter syndrome doesn't go away even when you have concrete proof you are good at what you do.

The sneaky credit trap and why it matters.

Why your self-image can lag years behind your actual life and the only thing that actually updates it.

Why the feeling itself isn't the real problem—and the specific things people do to manage it that costs them.

Four things that actually help when you experience imposter syndrome.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠159 — The Achievement Lie: Why Success Doesn’t Equal Happiness with Megan Hellerer

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠283 — How to Stop Feeling Invisible and Start Feeling Like You Matter with Journalist Jennifer Wallace

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Have you ever done something you swore you wouldn't do again? Maybe you had too many drinks, ate the whole thing when you meant to have a bite, or started texting that ex you swore you wouldn't talk to again. And then instead of feeling bad for a minute and moving on, you spiral into a cycle of shame, secrecy and self-destruction.

My guest is Dr. Frank Spinelli, a physician with more than 20 years of clinical experience. He's also survivor of childhood sexual abuse and a shame expert who now works with hundreds of clients who working through shame.

Some of the things we discuss are:

The difference between guilt and shame

The four archetypal shame responses (avoid, attack self, attack other, withdraw)

Why shame lives in silence

The connection between shame and the behaviors we can't stop (drinking too much, secret eating, doomscrolling, the habits we swear we'll quit)

What "shame literacy" is — and why most of us were never taught it

Why the internal script "what's wrong with me?" makes shame worse

The unexpected forms of shame

Why "I should be over this by now" is one of the most damaging things we say to ourselves

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for breaking the shame spiral starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠64 – Heal From Shame and Transform Your Self-Worth with Therapist Sheila Rubin

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠124 — Stop Self-Sabotage: 7 Reasons You Are Holding Yourself Back and How to Stop Once and For All

Links & Resources

The Shame Compass

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Have you lost your cool lately over something small? Maybe you snapped at your partner about the dishes in the sink. Or maybe you didn't say a word—you just let a coworker's question irritate you all day—and afterward you thought, "What's wrong with me? This isn't who I am."

If this sounds familiar, today's episode is for you. There are many reasons we can develop a short fuse. Fortunately, there are also many ways to lengthen it once you know how.

Some of the things I talk about are:

Why a short fuse is a gauge—and what it's actually trying to tell you.

How to recognize when your fuse is getting short.

What one night of bad sleep does to the alarm center of your brain

The "file folder" of small things you never said out loud and what happens when it's full.

Why open loops drain your patience—and the surprising fix.

The voodoo-doll study on married couples that reveals a surprising reason you might snap at your partner.

How suppressed anger often comes out.

How to lengthen your fuse.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

272 — How to Handle Big Emotions: 5 Science-Backed Skills to Stay in Control

⁠145 — Calm Your Nervous System With Therapist Liz Kelly

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Have you ever been afraid to ask for something because you were afraid you'd get rejected? Whether you want to invite someone on a date or ask for a raise, the fear of hearing "no" can keep you from trying.

But according to my guest today, the sting of rejection probably isn't as painful as you think. But the cost of avoiding rejection might be worse.

My guest is Jia Jiang, the founder of 100 Days of Rejection, where he set out to get rejected on purpose every single day for 100 days straight. He's the author of Rejection Proof, and his new book Easy Discipline is coming out soon.

Some of the things we discuss are:

What Jia learned from asking a stranger for $100, requesting a burger refill, and knocking on random doors to ask if he could play soccer in the yard

The Krispy Kreme Olympic donuts story that went viral (and briefly moved the company's stock)

The mental script that runs in your head before you ask for something — and why it's almost always wrong

The single shift that turns you from someone who mirrors other people's energy into someone whose energy sets the tone

Why "no" isn't the end of a conversation — it's the start

The one line that lowers the temperature on any high-stakes ask (and gets you more yeses)

The story of Mike, whose fear of rejection nearly cost him the ability to advocate for his wife when she was diagnosed with cancer

Why "you either get a yes or an epic story" might be the most freeing thing you'll hear all week

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for becoming more rejection-proof starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠20 — Why Rejection Stings and What to Do About It with Harvard Professor/Author Dr. Ronald Siegel

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠152 — Conquer Any Fear with These Science-Backed Steps

Links & Resources

⁠⁠Rejection Proof

Easy Discipline

Connect with the Show

Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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