Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin

Have you ever finally gotten something that you thought would make you feel worthy, like a degree or a promotion, and you still felt like you weren't good enough? Or maybe when someone gives you a genuine compliment, you feel worse instead of better.

My guest is Dr. Marisa Franco, a psychologist, professor at the University of Maryland, and New York Times bestselling author. And she says we've been lied to about what really builds self-worth. But the good news is, once we learn the truth, we can all increase our self-worth without achieving more.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why compliments and success can actually feel threatening when you're struggling with self-worth

The difference between the two kinds of high self-esteem (and how to tell which one you actually have)

Why "I only date secure people" misses how humans actually work — and the case for being "secure-ish" instead

Why memories are the "database of self-esteem" — and how the brain uses your past to predict your future

How to go back to a painful memory and give your younger self exactly what they needed

Why you don't have to remember what happened to heal past wounds

The three-step framework to try the next time you feel bad about yourself

Healthy ways to handle hard feelings

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for building real self-worth starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠219 — Stop Hating Yourself: A Step-by-Step Guide to Reclaiming Your Worth with Dr. Blaise Aguirre⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

104 — What Your Sentimental Keepsakes Reveal About Your Self-Worth

Links & Resources

⁠Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment

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When's the last time you asked AI to help you with something personal? Maybe you pasted in a text message and asked what the person really meant by it. Maybe you laid out both sides of a hard decision and asked what you should do.

AI can be genuinely helpful for quick answers—but if you're not careful, it may be quietly draining your mental strength. I'm already seeing this unfold in my therapy office as people hand over more and more. And I fell into it myself, running my own emails through Claude before I realized I wasn't getting better information—I was just getting a stamp of approval. In today's episode, I'll explain how leaning on AI can weaken your ability to trust your own judgment, the three things you should never outsource to it, and the simple rule that protects your mind in the age of AI.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The moment I caught myself defaulting to a chatbot instead of my own voice—after decades of writing my own emails without a second thought.

The MIT study on what happens in your brain when you lean on AI to think for you—and the "cognitive debt" you rack up without noticing.

The one simple rule that changes everything about how you use AI (and why the order you do things matters more than you'd think).

Why asking AI about your feelings is really asking for permission to feel them—and the mental strength skill you lose when you do.

The friend who let AI choose between two jobs, moved across the country, and later couldn't explain how he'd made the decision.

Why AI is at its absolute weakest on the decisions that matter most about your life.

The woman whose relationship AI called "avoidant" one day and "securely attached" the next—and what it reveals about outsourcing your read on other people.

Why AI makes an old trap easier than ever: the friend who'd eventually push back at 3am, and the chatbot that never will.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

248 — The 3 Words That Will Make You Mentally Stronger

204 — 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do in Today’s World

Links & Resources

Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Most people wait for the right moment, the right feeling, the right amount of information before they change. But my guest today says it all starts when you confront the seven uncomfortable truths that are holding you back.

My guest is Kier Gaines, a licensed professional counselor who reaches more than 40 million people on social media every month. His new book is It All Starts When You Do.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why waiting for the right moment costs you the life you want

The difference between accountability and self-blame

Why self-awareness alone almost never leads to change (and what actually does)

The seven uncomfortable truths and why the first step isn't fixing them, it's getting curious about them

Why affirmations can make you feel worse

Why overwhelm is often a failure of systems, not a failure of your capabilities

The five stages of behavioral change and why knowing which one you're in changes what you should actually do next

Why "I only date healed people" misses how humans actually work

Why distress tolerance might be the single most important skill for growing mentally stronger

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for starting when you're not ready

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠86 — The 6 Stages of Change: How to Transform Your Life

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It⁠

Links & Resources

It All Starts When You Do

Connect with the Show

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Is there a moment from your past that still makes you cringe? Something you said at a party years ago, a text you wish you could unsend, a version of you that you can't believe you ever were? And does that moment ever run through your mind when you don't wish to replay it?

In today's episode, I'll share a cringe moments that my brain loves to replay, explain why certain moments get cemented in there forever, and give you three strategies to move through them—so you can stop feeling the pain all over again and stop letting those memories shrink your life.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The on-camera interview I've never once been able to bring myself to watch—and the part I left out that still makes me cringe.

Why your brain files a social slip-up like a physical injury, and treats an awkward comment like a threat to your survival.

Why embarrassment and shame stick when almost every other bad feeling fades—and what that says about the moments you can't shake.

How replaying cringe can shrinks your life.

Why "cringe" may stem from three different feelings and why it's so important to label them correctly.

The reason your brain replays the worst four seconds on a loop instead of the whole scene—and how to change the story it's telling.

The "spotlight effect," and the research showing how badly we overestimate how many people even noticed.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠59 — 3 Ways to Take Back Your Power When Negative People Try to Drag You Down⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠199 — Can You Really Change Who You Are? The Surprising Truth About Personality With Olga Khazan

Connect with the Show

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When something goes wrong in your day—bad news, a disagreement with a loved one, or a tough rejection—what do you actually reach for to cope?

Most of us have one move. We drink, we scroll, we run, we clean, we call someone. And it probably works—which is why we keep doing it.

But my guest today says that's where the trouble starts. Every coping strategy you have began as your best attempt at getting a need met. And when you only have one move, even a good one can turn into something that no longer serves you.

My guest is Dr. Celeste Birkhofer, a licensed clinical psychologist and adjunct clinical faculty at Stanford Medical School's Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. Her new book is Beyond Quick Fixes.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why your one go-to coping skill probably started as a solution — and how to tell when it's crossed into something that's costing you

The difference between a quick fix that helps you (like slow breathing when your heart is pounding) and one that's harming you

Why some of your greatest strengths—being driven, being independent, being agreeable—might also be the things holding you back

The two ingredients every real change requires (and why insight alone almost never gets you there)

Dr. Birkhofer's story of using food to cope in college — and how she traced it back to what she learned about handling emotions as a kid

The writing exercise that helps you connect the dots between your childhood and your current patterns without shame

The three parts of yourself and why one of them needs to be in the driver's seat

Why the people closest to you sometimes push back when you try to change and how to tell if they're drawing out your best or keeping you stuck

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for building coping skills that actually work

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠330 — The Real Reason Your Coping Skills Aren't Helping (It's Not You)

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It

Links & Resources

Beyond Quick Fixes

Connect with the Show

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