Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I should be over this by now"? Maybe an old fear or insecurity shows up, and instead of just feeling it, you feel bad about feeling that way.

Most of us were taught that hard feelings — shame, envy, anger, boredom — are problems to be solved or character flaws to fix. And when they don't go away, we pile on a second layer of distress. But my guest today says that's exactly where we go wrong. The goal isn't to get rid of hard feelings. It's to get more curious about them.

My guest is Daniel Smith, a writer turned therapist whose new book is called Hard Feelings.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why hard feelings aren't problems to solve — and what happens when you stop trying to optimize them away

Why shame is the master uncomfortable emotion, and how it often gets passed down through families in silence

The trap of asking "why do I feel this way?" — and the better question that actually helps

Why decades of personal work doesn't make old anxieties disappear

The hidden cost of the positivity industry — and how well-meaning advice can become unintentionally shaming

What boredom, envy, and even anger are trying to teach you if you're willing to listen

The difference between sitting with a feeling and needing to shift one — and how to know which moment calls for which

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for getting curious about hard feelings starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

224 - 8 Myths About Feelings That Can Sabotage Your Emotional Intelligence

⁠148 — How to Take Charge of Your Feelings

Links & Resources

Hard Feelings

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Want more plays to help you stay mentally strong? Pick up a copy of The Mental Strength Playbook.

Have you ever felt stuck trying to solve a problem? Maybe you're trying to figure out how to attract more customers, smooth things over with someone you love, or finally dig out of debt—but you just can't figure out what to do?

Well, sometimes pushing harder for an answer in the same direction is exactly what's keeping you stuck. And that's why brainstorming the worst ideas might be the key to getting unstuck.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The online jewelry store I built knowing nothing about jewelry—and the backwards question that finally cracked my customer problem.

Why trying harder to find a good idea often keeps you stuck, and what to do instead.

The exact reversal I use with therapy clients who say "I've tried everything and nothing works."

Why this play makes group brainstorms come alive—and finally gets the quiet people to speak up.

The real reason asking "how do I make this worse?" knocks your brain out of its stuck loop.

The five simple steps to turn a list of terrible ideas into a blueprint for what to actually do next.

When to run this play—from a business decision to a standoff at home to a meeting you're leading.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

31 — Friday Fix: These 5 STEPS Will Sharpen Your Problem-Solving Skills to Get Through Challenges with Ease

316 — How Talking to a Rubber Duck Will Solve Any Problem Fast (And Why Thinking Harder Fire Backfires)

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Think about the last time you couldn't make up your mind about a big decision. Maybe you made a pro-and-con list, read every review, and talked it through with other people — and still couldn't decide.

We tell ourselves that just a little more information will finally bring the certainty we need to choose. But my guest today says more research can fuel your anxiety and the certainty we're chasing doesn't actually exist. If you're indecisive, you overthink every choice, or you freeze up for fear of making the wrong decision, this episode is for you.

My guest is Simone Stolzoff, a journalist and the author of The Good Enough Job. His new book, How to Not Know, is all about making hard decisions and learning to tolerate uncertainty.

In this episode on decision-making and uncertainty, we discuss:

Why our tolerance for uncertainty is shrinking at the exact moment the world is becoming more uncertain

The two surprising ways people dodge hard decisions — and why impulsive decision-makers may be just as avoidant as obsessive researchers

The study that showed we'd rather face a guaranteed painful event than sit with the uncertainty of one

Why the best leaders aren't "know-it-alls" but "learn-it-alls"

The Only Option Test — a fast way to break a stuck decision when both choices look equally good

The Chinese farmer parable, and why "maybe yes, maybe no" is one of the most freeing things you can tell yourself

The line from an oncology doctor that can change how you face anything uncertain in your future

The Therapist's Take: my top three strategies for making decisions and living with uncertainty, starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠


⁠⁠60 — Face Fear and Embrace Uncertainty So You Can Live a Good Life with Best-Selling Author Jonathan Fields

321 — How to Use Constraints to Spark Better Ideas, Make Faster Decisions, and Live With Less Regret With Bestselling Author David Epstein

Links & Resources

How to Not Know

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Want more mental strength plays? Pick up a copy of ⁠⁠The Mental Strength Playbook⁠⁠.

Have you ever had one of those days—or one of those weeks—where everything seems to be going wrong, and no matter what you try, you just feel discouraged?

Fortunately, there's a play you can run when you don't know what to do. And on the surface, it seems a little backward.

In today's episode, I'm sharing a play that sounds completely backward. But it's one of the best ways to get out of your head and prove to yourself that you have some power, even during your worst days.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The week before my book launch when everything fell apart at once—and the unexpected errand that turned out to be the best use of my afternoon.

Why "self-care" can actually keep you stuck, and the shift from self-care to other-care that does the opposite.

The body chemistry behind kindness—what it does to your hormones.

The science behind why this play is so effective.

The three simple steps to throwing a good vibes boomerang (and why speed matters more than size).

The one thing to do after that teaches your brain to reach for this play again.

Two ways this play can backfire—including the well-meaning move that can get misread at work.

How to grab a free printable list of boomerang ideas so you never have to brainstorm kindness on your worst day.

Get the free Good Vibes Boomerang List - AmyMorinLCSW.com/326

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

114 — Break Free From a Bad Mood by Identifying the Mood Boosters That Will Help You Feel Better Fast


⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠258 - 7 Sneaky Mindset Traps Draining Your Mental Strength (And How to Stop Them)

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Think about the last time you tried to work on yourself. Chances are you started with a list of everything that's wrong with you — what you don't like, what you should be doing, and what you want to "fix."

But what if thinking about yourself as "broken" is the thing that's keeping you stuck? My guest today is Dr. Paul Conti, a Harvard- and Stanford-trained psychiatrist who runs the group practice Pacific Premier Group. He started out in the business world, but after losing his brother to suicide, he turned to mental health full-time. He's the author of Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic and his new book, What's Going Right.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why leading with "what's wrong with me" might make you avoid looking at your mental health altogether

How losing his brother to suicide changed how Dr. Conti sees high-functioning people who are silently struggling

The three drives that shape your mental health — and the one that determines whether you actually feel happy with your life

Why high-functioning, hard-working people often have a low generative drive without realizing it

Why doing more isn't always the answer — and when doing less is a better choice

The two completely opposite stories you can tell about your own life (and why you get to choose which one is true)

The question to ask yourself every morning that shifts you out of dread

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠236 — 10 Myths About Mental Health That Are Holding You Back⁠

308 — Pause. Pick. Play. The Formula for Getting Through Any Hard Moment

Links & Resources

⁠What's Going Right

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