Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, I know better than this — so why do I keep doing it? Whether you stay up too late scrolling or you snap at people you leave, we all do things that don't help sometimes.

Most of us assume we need to create a lifestyle overhaul to fix the issue. But my guest today says that's exactly why so many of us stay stuck. He says a series of tiny shifts is the key to breaking free from emotional loops.

My guest is Dr. Elisha Goldstein, a clinical psychologist and the host of the Emotional Longevity podcast. His new book is Tiny Shifts.

Some of the things we discuss are:

What an emotional loop is — and how the four parts of it (thoughts, emotions, sensations, actions) trap you before you notice

Why your most convincing thoughts are often the least accurate — and how your brain evolved to make it that way

Why overhauling your life almost never works — and what "tiny shifts" do instead

The 4R method and how Dr. Goldstein used it in real time when he got scammed on Facebook

Why overthinking is a nervous system problem

Why shame is baked into our culture and how to work with it instead of getting trapped by it

The "slippery moment" when one loop turns into another and you assume nothing's working

Why healing your childhood wounds doesn't require years of therapy

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for making tiny shifts starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

305 — How to Make the Biggest Changes With the Smallest Steps With Author Eric Zimmer

⁠194 — The Science of Small Wins: Why They Matter More Than Big Goals

Links & Resources

⁠Tiny Shifts⁠

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I've spent my whole career helping people change. Someone walks into my therapy office stuck in a pattern they don't want, and together we figure out how to get them unstuck. I've written books about it. This whole podcast is about it.

But after almost 25 years as a therapist, here's what strikes me: how much we actually stay the same. The things that made you light up at 5 are probably the same things that light you up at 55. The impulses you had at 7 are still there at 47. We change in real ways—but underneath, something steady keeps us being us.

Today's episode is a little different. Instead of a mental strength play to change your life, I want to talk about the parts of you that were never going to change—and why that might be one of the more beautiful things about being a person. We live in a world constantly telling you to become a new version of yourself. But sometimes there's no problem to fix. Sometimes it just means there's a reliable part of you that's been there all along.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The daily habit I've kept for years—and the moment I realized I've been playing the exact same game since I was five years old.

What happened when I asked my Instagram audience what they loved as a kid and still love today (the list is oddly comforting).

Why so much of the self-improvement world gets this wrong—and why "always upgrade yourself" isn't the whole story.

The crucial difference between an impulse and a response—and why you don't have to fix the impulse to change your life.

What I still do when a speaker asks for a volunteer from the audience, almost 40 years after I was the shy kid dreading book report day.

The question I ask therapy clients who feel like they've lost themselves—and why no one has ever failed to answer it.

Why recognizing what's stayed the same can be one of the most healing moments in a whole stretch of therapy.

The question I want you to sit with this week—and why you don't have to fix the answer.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠308 — Pause. Pick. Play. The Formula for Getting Through Any Hard Moment⁠⁠

⁠⁠306 — You Don't Need to Feel Strong to Be Strong⁠⁠

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You've heard people say, "Good things come to those who wait." Most of us absorbed that lesson somewhere along the way — save the good stuff, delay the pleasure, wait until you've earned it. But my guest today says that idea backfires.

My guest is Ian Bogost, a contributing writer at The Atlantic and a professor at Washington University in St. Louis. His new book is The Small Stuff.

Some of the things we discuss are:

The three different types of contentment — and why we tend to overlook the most available one

What the famous marshmallow test actually got wrong about delayed gratification

Why saving the perfume, the outfit, or the "good china" for a special occasion might be backfiring

The one-step trick to noticing small pleasures without having to add anything new to your routine

Why gratification isn't the same as mindfulness — and why Ian has issues with how mindfulness gets sold to us

How modern life has quietly stripped away small sensory pleasures (Ian calls it "dematerialization")

Why you don't have to choose between being present and taking a picture — you can do both

How stacking tiny moments of gratification can build a buffer that makes hard days hurt less

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for finding more small pleasures starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠322 — This 60-Second Mental Strength Play Will Help You Stop Procrastinating (And It Doesn't Require Willpower)⁠

270 — You Don't Need More Self-Discipline: 2 Strategies to Succeed Without It

Links & Resources

The Small Stuff

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Have you ever been upset and had one person tell you to just sit with your feelings—while someone else insists you should snap out of it and take control? Which approach is right?

The answer is that it depends on the situation. In today's episode, I'll show you that the most important emotional strength skill is knowing which one the moment calls for.

Some of the things I talk about are:

Why "sit with it" and "change it" aren't actually contradictory—and the framework that ties them together.

Why an emotion isn't positive or negative on its own, and what actually determines whether it helps you or hurts you.

How the exact same anxiety can be your friend while you pay a stack of bills and your enemy on the way to the stage.

The surprising research on how a "good" emotion like excitement can push you into a decision you'd never make calmly.

The personal story of returning to work after losing my husband—and what grief taught me about when to feel a feeling and when to turn the volume down.

The three questions that tell you, in the moment, whether a feeling is your friend or your enemy (you only need to answer one).

What to actually do once you have your answer—and why changing a feeling isn't avoiding it, and sitting with one isn't weakness.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠308 — Pause. Pick. Play. The Formula for Getting Through Any Hard Moment⁠

⁠306 — You Don't Need to Feel Strong to Be Strong⁠

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Have you ever spent hours replaying a conversation in your head that didn't go well? Maybe you said something you wish you hadn't. Maybe someone made a comment you can't stop thinking about.

But the more you think about it, the worse you feel — and you can't seem to stop. If that sounds familiar, you're not alone.

My guest is Donna Jackson Nakazawa, an award-winning science journalist and author of nine books. Her new book is Mind Drama and she has uncovered some surprising strategies that can help you stop overthinking.

Some of the things we discuss are:

What's actually happening in your brain when you can't stop replaying something — and what showed up on Donna's own brain scan

Why "just think about it a little more" is a lie your brain tells you (and the part of your brain that's terrible at solving problems is the one running the show)

Why we're all overthinking more than we used to — and the perfect storm making it worse

How a single anxious thought sends a stress signal all the way down to the energy centers of your cells

The MIST framework — a step-by-step way to decode the pattern behind whatever you keep replaying

The "ballistic interrupter" — a neuroscience-backed trick that stops the spiral by changing one small thing about how you talk to yourself

Quick physical moves that signal safety to your brain and break the loop fast

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for breaking out of an overthinking loop starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

284 — Overthinking? Here’s the 3-Word Fix You Need to Stop the Spiral⁠

258 - 7 Sneaky Mindset Traps Draining Your Mental Strength (And How to Stop Them)

Links & Resources

Mind Drama

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