Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin

Have you ever done something you swore you wouldn't do again? Maybe you had too many drinks, ate the whole thing when you meant to have a bite, or started texting that ex you swore you wouldn't talk to again. And then instead of feeling bad for a minute and moving on, you spiral into a cycle of shame, secrecy and self-destruction.

My guest is Dr. Frank Spinelli, a physician with more than 20 years of clinical experience. He's also survivor of childhood sexual abuse and a shame expert who now works with hundreds of clients who working through shame.

Some of the things we discuss are:

The difference between guilt and shame

The four archetypal shame responses (avoid, attack self, attack other, withdraw)

Why shame lives in silence

The connection between shame and the behaviors we can't stop (drinking too much, secret eating, doomscrolling, the habits we swear we'll quit)

What "shame literacy" is — and why most of us were never taught it

Why the internal script "what's wrong with me?" makes shame worse

The unexpected forms of shame

Why "I should be over this by now" is one of the most damaging things we say to ourselves

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for breaking the shame spiral starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠64 – Heal From Shame and Transform Your Self-Worth with Therapist Sheila Rubin

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠124 — Stop Self-Sabotage: 7 Reasons You Are Holding Yourself Back and How to Stop Once and For All

Links & Resources

The Shame Compass

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Have you lost your cool lately over something small? Maybe you snapped at your partner about the dishes in the sink. Or maybe you didn't say a word—you just let a coworker's question irritate you all day—and afterward you thought, "What's wrong with me? This isn't who I am."

If this sounds familiar, today's episode is for you. There are many reasons we can develop a short fuse. Fortunately, there are also many ways to lengthen it once you know how.

Some of the things I talk about are:

Why a short fuse is a gauge—and what it's actually trying to tell you.

How to recognize when your fuse is getting short.

What one night of bad sleep does to the alarm center of your brain

The "file folder" of small things you never said out loud and what happens when it's full.

Why open loops drain your patience—and the surprising fix.

The voodoo-doll study on married couples that reveals a surprising reason you might snap at your partner.

How suppressed anger often comes out.

How to lengthen your fuse.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

272 — How to Handle Big Emotions: 5 Science-Backed Skills to Stay in Control

⁠145 — Calm Your Nervous System With Therapist Liz Kelly

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Have you ever been afraid to ask for something because you were afraid you'd get rejected? Whether you want to invite someone on a date or ask for a raise, the fear of hearing "no" can keep you from trying.

But according to my guest today, the sting of rejection probably isn't as painful as you think. But the cost of avoiding rejection might be worse.

My guest is Jia Jiang, the founder of 100 Days of Rejection, where he set out to get rejected on purpose every single day for 100 days straight. He's the author of Rejection Proof, and his new book Easy Discipline is coming out soon.

Some of the things we discuss are:

What Jia learned from asking a stranger for $100, requesting a burger refill, and knocking on random doors to ask if he could play soccer in the yard

The Krispy Kreme Olympic donuts story that went viral (and briefly moved the company's stock)

The mental script that runs in your head before you ask for something — and why it's almost always wrong

The single shift that turns you from someone who mirrors other people's energy into someone whose energy sets the tone

Why "no" isn't the end of a conversation — it's the start

The one line that lowers the temperature on any high-stakes ask (and gets you more yeses)

The story of Mike, whose fear of rejection nearly cost him the ability to advocate for his wife when she was diagnosed with cancer

Why "you either get a yes or an epic story" might be the most freeing thing you'll hear all week

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for becoming more rejection-proof starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠20 — Why Rejection Stings and What to Do About It with Harvard Professor/Author Dr. Ronald Siegel

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠152 — Conquer Any Fear with These Science-Backed Steps

Links & Resources

⁠⁠Rejection Proof

Easy Discipline

Connect with the Show

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Do you ever feel really anxious about a potential health issue? Maybe you Google your symptoms frequently. Or maybe you ask for constant reassurance or just keep checking on the same spot that hurts to see if it feels better.

Health anxiety is a common problem but sometimes people are embarrassed to talk about. But, there are some strategies that can help you regain control over your time and mental energy so you stop worrying about your health.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The four ways health anxiety shows up

"Cyberchondria," and the research showing how quickly an everyday symptom turns into something rare and terrifying in your search results.

Why the relief you get from reassurance backfires

Why you shouldn't suppress your anxiety and what you should do instead

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

208 — Coping With Anxiety: An Anxiety Toolkit for Fast Relief

253 — How Hypnosis Could Help You Break Bad Habits, Reduce Anxiety, and Relieve Your Pain with Dr. David Spiegel

Connect with the Show

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Have you been bracing for a midlife crisis? Maybe you've believed that once you hit 40 or 50, you're supposed to hit a wall — get restless, buy the sports car, blow up your life, or slide into a slow decline. And even if you haven't hit that wall yet, part of you might be waiting for it.

But my guest today has spent more than 30 years studying midlife, and she says most of what you've heard is wrong. In fact, treating midlife like a decline might turn it into one. Your sense of control, your self-esteem, and your life satisfaction can actually peak in midlife.

My guest is Dr. Margie Lachman, a psychology professor at Brandeis University who directs the Lifespan Lab and is one of the leading researchers on adult development in the country.

Some of the things we discuss are:

The truth behind the famous "happiness dips at 47" claim — and why the researchers behind it are now walking it back

Why the millennial midlife crisis might not actually be about midlife at all

Why your personality isn't locked in the way you were taught — and how to change it in your 40s, 50s, and beyond

The midlife review: three questions that can help you figure out what you actually want next

The "shelve it" approach

Why "sense of control" might be the single most important mindset in midlife (and how it lowers inflammation and dementia risk)

Why childhood struggles sometimes resurface in midlife — and what to do about it

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for making midlife your prime starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠296 — 5 Ways to Build Emotional Strength When Life Keeps Knocking You Down

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠336 — The "Social Clock" That's Making You Feel Behind—and How to Stop

Links & Resources

⁠Primetime: A New Vision for Midlife⁠

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