Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin

Are you overwhelmed by all the self-improvement advice out there? Every book, every podcast, every social media post is telling you a different thing you should be doing and all those things might leave you feeling exactly the same as when you started.

My guest today has spent the last decade interviewing more than 700 top performers to figure out what actually moves the needle. His book has hundreds of strategies, but I picked out the five that work best for anyone who wants to build confidence, reduce anxiety, or become a stronger version of themselves.

My guest is Ryan Hawk, host of The Learning Leader Show and USA Today bestselling author. His new book is The Price of Becoming.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why confidence comes from evidence and how it transfers to every other area of your life

Why it's okay to copy other people when you're starting out (and the surprising fact about The Beatles that proves it).

Curiosity as a skill disguised as a personality trait and why Ryan says it might be his number one love language.

The line Ryan's dad said that reframes almost every anxious thought

The Adam Sandler story about the professor who told him he'd never make it and the surprising way Sandler chose to remember him

The difference between "clean fuel" and "dirty fuel"

The three journaling prompts Ryan uses every night to compound growth over time

The Therapist's Take: M quick take on how to apply each strategy starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

248 — The 3 Words That Will Make You Mentally Stronger

⁠⁠⁠⁠330 — The Real Reason Your Coping Skills Aren't Helping (It's Not You)

Links & Resources

The Price of Becoming

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Do you ever feel like everyone else is a few steps ahead of you? Maybe you thought you'd have the job, the house, the relationship, or the retirement account figured out by now—and the fact that you don't feels like proof you've fallen behind.

It's easy to feel like everyone else is doing better and you can't catch up. But there are some strategies that can help you feel better about wherever you are right now.

Some of the things I talk about are:

Why the word "behind" is the thing that trips us up—and the question that changes everything.

The "social clock" researchers have identified, and the surprising finding about what actually causes people distress.

The moment that completely shattered the timeline for me—and left me feeling fifty years ahead of schedule.

The first move to make when you feel behind

The Holocaust survivor who published her first book at 89, her second at 92, and kept going until 96.

Why there's no single racetrack—and what to ask yourself the next time the feeling creeps back in.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

196 — How Comparison Culture is Secretly Sabotaging Your Mental Strength

⁠⁠332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It

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Have you ever caught yourself thinking, I know better than this — so why do I keep doing it? Whether you stay up too late scrolling or you snap at people you leave, we all do things that don't help sometimes.

Most of us assume we need to create a lifestyle overhaul to fix the issue. But my guest today says that's exactly why so many of us stay stuck. He says a series of tiny shifts is the key to breaking free from emotional loops.

My guest is Dr. Elisha Goldstein, a clinical psychologist and the host of the Emotional Longevity podcast. His new book is Tiny Shifts.

Some of the things we discuss are:

What an emotional loop is — and how the four parts of it (thoughts, emotions, sensations, actions) trap you before you notice

Why your most convincing thoughts are often the least accurate — and how your brain evolved to make it that way

Why overhauling your life almost never works — and what "tiny shifts" do instead

The 4R method and how Dr. Goldstein used it in real time when he got scammed on Facebook

Why overthinking is a nervous system problem

Why shame is baked into our culture and how to work with it instead of getting trapped by it

The "slippery moment" when one loop turns into another and you assume nothing's working

Why healing your childhood wounds doesn't require years of therapy

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for making tiny shifts starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

305 — How to Make the Biggest Changes With the Smallest Steps With Author Eric Zimmer

⁠194 — The Science of Small Wins: Why They Matter More Than Big Goals

Links & Resources

⁠Tiny Shifts⁠

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I've spent my whole career helping people change. Someone walks into my therapy office stuck in a pattern they don't want, and together we figure out how to get them unstuck. I've written books about it. This whole podcast is about it.

But after almost 25 years as a therapist, here's what strikes me: how much we actually stay the same. The things that made you light up at 5 are probably the same things that light you up at 55. The impulses you had at 7 are still there at 47. We change in real ways—but underneath, something steady keeps us being us.

Today's episode is a little different. Instead of a mental strength play to change your life, I want to talk about the parts of you that were never going to change—and why that might be one of the more beautiful things about being a person. We live in a world constantly telling you to become a new version of yourself. But sometimes there's no problem to fix. Sometimes it just means there's a reliable part of you that's been there all along.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The daily habit I've kept for years—and the moment I realized I've been playing the exact same game since I was five years old.

What happened when I asked my Instagram audience what they loved as a kid and still love today (the list is oddly comforting).

Why so much of the self-improvement world gets this wrong—and why "always upgrade yourself" isn't the whole story.

The crucial difference between an impulse and a response—and why you don't have to fix the impulse to change your life.

What I still do when a speaker asks for a volunteer from the audience, almost 40 years after I was the shy kid dreading book report day.

The question I ask therapy clients who feel like they've lost themselves—and why no one has ever failed to answer it.

Why recognizing what's stayed the same can be one of the most healing moments in a whole stretch of therapy.

The question I want you to sit with this week—and why you don't have to fix the answer.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠308 — Pause. Pick. Play. The Formula for Getting Through Any Hard Moment⁠⁠

⁠⁠306 — You Don't Need to Feel Strong to Be Strong⁠⁠

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You've heard people say, "Good things come to those who wait." Most of us absorbed that lesson somewhere along the way — save the good stuff, delay the pleasure, wait until you've earned it. But my guest today says that idea backfires.

My guest is Ian Bogost, a contributing writer at The Atlantic and a professor at Washington University in St. Louis. His new book is The Small Stuff.

Some of the things we discuss are:

The three different types of contentment — and why we tend to overlook the most available one

What the famous marshmallow test actually got wrong about delayed gratification

Why saving the perfume, the outfit, or the "good china" for a special occasion might be backfiring

The one-step trick to noticing small pleasures without having to add anything new to your routine

Why gratification isn't the same as mindfulness — and why Ian has issues with how mindfulness gets sold to us

How modern life has quietly stripped away small sensory pleasures (Ian calls it "dematerialization")

Why you don't have to choose between being present and taking a picture — you can do both

How stacking tiny moments of gratification can build a buffer that makes hard days hurt less

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for finding more small pleasures starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠322 — This 60-Second Mental Strength Play Will Help You Stop Procrastinating (And It Doesn't Require Willpower)⁠

270 — You Don't Need More Self-Discipline: 2 Strategies to Succeed Without It

Links & Resources

The Small Stuff

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