Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin

Have you ever done something that went against everything you believe about yourself? Maybe you think of yourself as an honest person, but you round up hours on your timesheet. Or maybe you say family is the most important thing in your life, but you spend the entire weekend working. Or maybe it's something bigger — something you still can't fully explain, even though it happened years ago.

Most of us assume that when we act against our values, it's because we're weak. But there's evidence that shows even mentally strong people might sometimes lie, cheat or break their own rules.

My guest is Dr. Glenn Hutchinson, a psychologist who has spent years studying why people's behavior isn't always in line with their values.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why the explanations we come up with for our own behavior are often completely wrong (and the famous 1977 study that proved it)

Why we judge other people more harshly than we judge ourselves for the exact same behavior

Why willpower fails almost everyone eventually

What the new GLP-1 medications reveal about how unconscious urges actually work

Why happily married people can still be unfaithful and the ancient brain systems that operate independently of our values

The dangerous "I've already blown it" thinking that turns one small slip into a full-blown spiral

The story of the man who left an inpatient facility convinced he was a narcissist when he wasn't even close

The chilling examples of how our conscious mind fails us

Why insight and behavior change are two completely different things

The two questions to ask about any bad habit

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for getting your behavior in line with your values

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

132 — Understand Your Habits by Uncovering the Emotional Thread That Drives Your Behavior

⁠49 — 7 Boundary Mistakes That Damage Relationships

Links & Resources

⁠⁠⁠Unfaithful Minds

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Pick up a copy of The Mental Strength Playbook.

Maybe you replay a conversation that already happened, second-guess a decision you already made, or keep going back over what you should've done differently. A negative thought spiral is hard to break and the more you try to suppress a thought, the more it will keep popping back up.

So today I'm sharing one of my favorite mental strength plays to literally get unhelpful thoughts out of your head. I'll walk you through the play, the surprising study on why it works, and exactly how to do it right.

Some of the things I talk about are:

Why you usually can't think your way out of a negative loop (the thing keeping it going is the thinking itself).

The study that shows how to change which thoughts you believe.

The one version of this that doesn't work at all, no matter how hard you try it.

How to run the play, step by step.

Why you have to write the ugly, honest version of the thought.

The mistakes that make this play backfire.

Why this isn't for every negative thought—and how to know when it's the wrong play and you need a different one.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

284 — Overthinking? Here’s the 3-Word Fix You Need to Stop the Spiral

⁠328 — The Best Way to Solve a Problem When You Feel Hopeless: Brainstorm the Worst Ideas First

Links & Resources

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Have you ever wondered why you attract the same type of person over and over or wondered why you keep ending up in the same situation? You might tell yourself you never want to change but end up right back in a similar situation again.

My guest today says there's a reason for that. Every one of us has what she calls a psychological Achilles heel — a tender spot formed early in life around a belief like I'm not lovable or I'm not good enough — and it lies dormant until something or someone presses on it. And we're often unconsciously drawn to the people who press on it, because part of us is trying to go back and finally get it right.

My guest is Dr. Gillian O'Shea Brown, a psychotherapist and complex trauma specialist who authored the textbook Healing Complex PTSD, used at NYU graduate schools.

Some of the things we discuss are:

What a psychological Achilles heel is and why it lies dormant until the wrong person or situation presses on it

Why we unconsciously seek out the people who reopen our oldest wounds

Why your brain will pick familiar chaos over unpredictable peace and how that shows up in dating

Why the butterflies you feel around certain people were never really about attraction

The I AM inventory that reveals who you actually become around specific people

What your body is trying to tell you about the people you spend time with

The Erotic Emotional Map for tracing your relationship patterns back to their earliest source

Why "pruning" your relationships is only half the work and what to do with the empty space that scares most people back into old patterns

How to have the "updated conversations" most married couples never actually have

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for breaking the patterns that keep repeating in your life

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

249 — The Hidden Link Between Childhood Trauma and Chronic Health Issues with Dr. Aimie Apigian

302 — Why You Choose Familiar Pain Over Unfamiliar Peace (and How to Break Free From Those Patterns)

Links & Resources

⁠⁠Psyche's Awakening

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Have you ever felt like you just don't feel anything at all? Not exactly sad, but not happy either. Something good happens and you think, well, that's nice. Something bad happens and you think, okay. And you move through your days feeling sort of flat.

That's emotional numbness. And while it might seem like a good thing to numb yourself to discomfort, there are some downsides to it too.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The winter I couldn't even feel the cold—and how the feeling came back so slowly I almost missed it.

The four different kinds of numb, and why the right response depends on which one you're in.

Why you can't selectively numb the hard feelings without dimming joy and excitement along with them.

The reason feeling numb leaves so many people exhausted—even though it seems like they're not doing anything at all.

Why the feelings you push down don't disappear—and how they resurface two years later in the grocery store.

Why coming back to life isn't a dam bursting, but a dimmer switch your brain controls on purpose.

Why chasing a big emotion (the sad movie, the old photos) often backfires and the small thing to reach for instead.

The "flicker" to watch for, and why motivation follows action here, not the other way around.

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

272 — How to Handle Big Emotions: 5 Science-Backed Skills to Stay in Control

332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It

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Have you ever finally gotten something that you thought would make you feel worthy, like a degree or a promotion, and you still felt like you weren't good enough? Or maybe when someone gives you a genuine compliment, you feel worse instead of better.

My guest is Dr. Marisa Franco, a psychologist, professor at the University of Maryland, and New York Times bestselling author. And she says we've been lied to about what really builds self-worth. But the good news is, once we learn the truth, we can all increase our self-worth without achieving more.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why compliments and success can actually feel threatening when you're struggling with self-worth

The difference between the two kinds of high self-esteem (and how to tell which one you actually have)

Why "I only date secure people" misses how humans actually work — and the case for being "secure-ish" instead

Why memories are the "database of self-esteem" — and how the brain uses your past to predict your future

How to go back to a painful memory and give your younger self exactly what they needed

Why you don't have to remember what happened to heal past wounds

The three-step framework to try the next time you feel bad about yourself

Healthy ways to handle hard feelings

The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for building real self-worth starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠219 — Stop Hating Yourself: A Step-by-Step Guide to Reclaiming Your Worth with Dr. Blaise Aguirre⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

104 — What Your Sentimental Keepsakes Reveal About Your Self-Worth

Links & Resources

⁠Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment

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