Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin

Think about the last time you couldn't make up your mind about a big decision. Maybe you made a pro-and-con list, read every review, and talked it through with other people — and still couldn't decide.

We tell ourselves that just a little more information will finally bring the certainty we need to choose. But my guest today says more research can fuel your anxiety and the certainty we're chasing doesn't actually exist. If you're indecisive, you overthink every choice, or you freeze up for fear of making the wrong decision, this episode is for you.

My guest is Simone Stolzoff, a journalist and the author of The Good Enough Job. His new book, How to Not Know, is all about making hard decisions and learning to tolerate uncertainty.

In this episode on decision-making and uncertainty, we discuss:

Why our tolerance for uncertainty is shrinking at the exact moment the world is becoming more uncertain

The two surprising ways people dodge hard decisions — and why impulsive decision-makers may be just as avoidant as obsessive researchers

The study that showed we'd rather face a guaranteed painful event than sit with the uncertainty of one

Why the best leaders aren't "know-it-alls" but "learn-it-alls"

The Only Option Test — a fast way to break a stuck decision when both choices look equally good

The Chinese farmer parable, and why "maybe yes, maybe no" is one of the most freeing things you can tell yourself

The line from an oncology doctor that can change how you face anything uncertain in your future

The Therapist's Take: my top three strategies for making decisions and living with uncertainty, starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠


⁠⁠60 — Face Fear and Embrace Uncertainty So You Can Live a Good Life with Best-Selling Author Jonathan Fields

321 — How to Use Constraints to Spark Better Ideas, Make Faster Decisions, and Live With Less Regret With Bestselling Author David Epstein

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How to Not Know

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Want more mental strength plays? Pick up a copy of ⁠⁠The Mental Strength Playbook⁠⁠.

Have you ever had one of those days—or one of those weeks—where everything seems to be going wrong, and no matter what you try, you just feel discouraged?

Fortunately, there's a play you can run when you don't know what to do. And on the surface, it seems a little backward.

In today's episode, I'm sharing a play that sounds completely backward. But it's one of the best ways to get out of your head and prove to yourself that you have some power, even during your worst days.

Some of the things I talk about are:

The week before my book launch when everything fell apart at once—and the unexpected errand that turned out to be the best use of my afternoon.

Why "self-care" can actually keep you stuck, and the shift from self-care to other-care that does the opposite.

The body chemistry behind kindness—what it does to your hormones.

The science behind why this play is so effective.

The three simple steps to throwing a good vibes boomerang (and why speed matters more than size).

The one thing to do after that teaches your brain to reach for this play again.

Two ways this play can backfire—including the well-meaning move that can get misread at work.

How to grab a free printable list of boomerang ideas so you never have to brainstorm kindness on your worst day.

Get the free Good Vibes Boomerang List - AmyMorinLCSW.com/326

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

114 — Break Free From a Bad Mood by Identifying the Mood Boosters That Will Help You Feel Better Fast


⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠258 - 7 Sneaky Mindset Traps Draining Your Mental Strength (And How to Stop Them)

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Think about the last time you tried to work on yourself. Chances are you started with a list of everything that's wrong with you — what you don't like, what you should be doing, and what you want to "fix."

But what if thinking about yourself as "broken" is the thing that's keeping you stuck? My guest today is Dr. Paul Conti, a Harvard- and Stanford-trained psychiatrist who runs the group practice Pacific Premier Group. He started out in the business world, but after losing his brother to suicide, he turned to mental health full-time. He's the author of Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic and his new book, What's Going Right.

Some of the things we discuss are:

Why leading with "what's wrong with me" might make you avoid looking at your mental health altogether

How losing his brother to suicide changed how Dr. Conti sees high-functioning people who are silently struggling

The three drives that shape your mental health — and the one that determines whether you actually feel happy with your life

Why high-functioning, hard-working people often have a low generative drive without realizing it

Why doing more isn't always the answer — and when doing less is a better choice

The two completely opposite stories you can tell about your own life (and why you get to choose which one is true)

The question to ask yourself every morning that shifts you out of dread

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠236 — 10 Myths About Mental Health That Are Holding You Back⁠

308 — Pause. Pick. Play. The Formula for Getting Through Any Hard Moment

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⁠What's Going Right

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Have you ever had a big moment coming up, like a presentation or an interview, and spent the final few minutes frantically cramming? We often tell ourselves if we just review our notes one more time, we'll feel confident when we walk in.

But research shows that last-minute cramming is probably making you perform worse, not better. And if you're a crammer like I am, I have good news—there's a much better way to spend those final few minutes before a high-pressure moment.

Some of the things I talk about are:

Why cramming before a big moment quietly raises your anxiety instead of lowering it—and the interview that taught me this the hard way.

The play that works for athletes at the foul line and for the rest of us before a sales call, a performance review, or dinner with the in-laws.

The three science-backed reasons a simple ritual calms your nerves and sharpens your focus (no lucky socks or magical thinking required).

My own two-step pregame ritual—and how I leaned on it when Good Morning America gave me less than an hour's notice to go live on national TV.

The three pieces of a ritual that actually works

The one mistake that makes most people make

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

278 — The 3 Mindset Shifts You Will Help You Grow Mentally Stronger This Year


⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠318 — How to Turn Anxiety Into a Competitive Advantage With a 2-Minute Play That Tricks Your Brain

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Have you ever told someone, "I'm not an optimist, I'm a realist" because the whole "good vibes only" thing seems irritating, and you don't want to set yourself up for disappointment?

A lot of us brace for the worst on purpose. We think if we expect the worst, we'll either be right or pleasantly surprised. But bracing for disaster can be bad for your health.

My guest today is Dr. Deepika Chopra — a clinical health psychologist known as The Optimism Doctor® and the author of The Power of Real Optimism.

Some of the things we discuss are:

What real optimism actually looks like in the middle of grief, stress, or a bad diagnosis

The difference between real optimism and toxic positivity — and why "just think positive" can make people feel worse

The question that opens the door to a different outcome without forcing you to fake a feeling

The surprising physical health benefits of optimism

Why optimism is a learnable skill

The a one-minute end-of-day practice that rewires your brain to become more optimistic

Why awe is even more powerful than gratitude for shrinking anxiety

My top three strategies for becoming a real optimist starting today

Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

259 - Feel Hopeless? 5 Habits That Bring Hope Back Fast with Dr. Julia Garcia

306 — You Don't Need to Feel Strong to Be Strong

Links & Resources

The Power of Real Optimism

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