Raising Boys & Girls

The episode moves the Capable series from strengths to skills, which are things kids have to be taught and practice, like tying their shoes. Managing emotions comes first. Sissy and David ask parents to notice their own reflex when a child is upset. Are they a fixer, a matcher, a minimizer, or a regulator? They point to research on co-regulation showing that kids borrow an adult’s steadiness before they can calm themselves. From there they walk through the steps: name the feeling (“name it to tame it”), validate it without approving the behavior, and skip the lecture while a child’s “downstairs brain” is in charge. A code word chosen ahead of time and a family list of 20 calming strategies both help. One memorable example is a fifth grader who prayed through the alphabet to fall asleep. The episode ends with a “try this at home” challenge for parents to notice their own patterns and to ask their kids, “What helps your feelings not feel quite so big?”

Resources mentioned:

Strong and Smart by David Thomas

I Am Capable by David Thomas and Sissy Goff

The Daystar Dog series by David Thomas and Sissy Goff

Feelings Chart

Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s “upstairs and downstairs brain” model

A 2024 systematic review on parent–child co-regulation

A meta-analysis of 53 studies linking parents’ emotion regulation to their children’s

A brain imaging study on affect labeling (naming an emotion lowered activity in the amygdala)

. . . . . .

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Sissy and David sit down in New York with Craig Melvin to talk about his book Pops, a love letter to his father, who is now in recovery after 15 years of addiction. Craig shares how growing up with an absent dad made him and his wife Lindsay put being present first, even though they sometimes overcorrect. His reminder to his family is “if everything is special, nothing is special.” He talks about helping his kids find their people, and about how years of covering tragedy taught him that the hills and valleys are what build resilience. He hopes his kids will someday remember the awkward bedtime talks and beach walks more than the big VIP moments.

Resources mentioned:

Pops: Learning to Be a Son and a Father by Craig Melvin

I’m Proud of You by Craig Melvin

Glass Half Full with Craig Melvin

Dads Got This! Craig Melvin’s show

. . . . . .

Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share!

Order our new book, Capable, here!!

See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .

If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form.

BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply.

QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro.

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Gratitude can sound like the soft strength in the capability series. Sissy and David argue it’s an essential one, because it teaches kids to hold two realities at once instead of pretending the hard thing isn’t there. They warn against “you should be grateful” responses that shut down emotions and can leave kids feeling shame. Instead, they encourage parents to let feelings have room before helping kids “widen the lens.” Sissy shares how her family’s “wow” practice, borrowed from Kathryn Price’s “delight” finger, now has four-year-old Whit stopping to notice joy at Disney. The hosts offer concrete ideas: name gratitude out loud, ask fresh questions, use “and” instead of “but,” make a gratitude album, write a gratitude letter, and do a gratitude scavenger hunt. They close with a challenge for this week: ask your family “What was hard today, and what was good today?” Then just listen.

Resources mentioned:

Episode 359: A Roadmap to Technology (and Fun) for Families with Catherine Price

. . . . . .

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Order our new book, Capable, here!!

See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .

If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form.

BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply.

QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro.

CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution.

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As part of the Strengths, Skills, and Strategies podcast season, NBC's Vicky Nguyen shares her family's escape from Vietnam by boat and how growing up as the perpetual "new kid" built her grit. Now she and her husband "manufacture hardship" for their three daughters, like having their middle daughter tell her Taekwondo master herself that she was quitting, because "I can't pedal the bike for you and expect you to learn how to ride it." She also explains why she praises effort over achievement and how parents can help kids face scary news: ask questions first, don't over-explain, and model calm.

Resources mentioned:

Boat Baby by Vicky Nguyen

The AI documentary Vicky recommends, called "How I Became an Apocaloptimist"

. . . . . .

Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share!

Order our new book, Capable, here!!

See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .

If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form.

BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply.

QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro.

CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution.
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In this episode, Sissy and David explore how kids build perseverance by sticking with hard things, and how parents can stay close without stepping in to rescue them. David tells the story of a freshman cross-country runner who finished her first meet long after everyone else, cheered in by teammates who ran back onto the course for her. They share practical ideas: let kids be beginners, look for small everyday chances to keep going, and ask whether it's your child or you who needs relief. They close with Romans 5 and a challenge to tell your kids one of your own unpolished perseverance stories this week.

Resources mentioned:

Capable by Sissy Goff and David Thomas

Episode 187: Parenting and Grandparenting with Love and Laughter with Anne Lamott

Research on Person versus process praise and criticism: implications for contingent self-worth and coping by Carol Dweck

Research on How Adults' Actions, Outcomes, and Testimony Affect Preschoolers' Persistence

. . . . . .

Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share!

Order our new book, Capable, here!!

See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.. . . . . .

If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form.

BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg⁠. Exclusions apply.

QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro.

CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution.

HIYA: Visit hiyahealth.com/rbg for 50% off your first order.OUR PLACE: Visit fromourplace.com/rbg and use code RBG for 10% off sitewide,
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices