How To Deal

Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli Harwood sits down with Rachael Shepard-Ohta — founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby and host of the No One Told Us podcast — for an honest, research-grounded, and deeply human conversation about infant and toddler sleep. Together, they dismantle the sleep training culture war, explore what science actually tells us about infant sleep variability, and offer practical, compassionate strategies for exhausted parents. No shame, no judgment — just real talk.
Key Takeaways
Infant sleep is highly variable and non-linear. Research confirms that sleep does not simply get better week by week — it's a rollercoaster tied to rapid developmental milestones, and this is completely normal.
You are not doing it wrong. A regression or bad night is not a sign of parenting failure. It is often just a developmental phase to ride out.
The "sunset scaries" are real — and romanticizing your own nighttime routine (podcasts, face masks, fancy tea) can rewire your nervous system to look forward to the hard hours instead of dreading them.
Temperament and sensory needs shape sleep more than any particular method. Two kids in the same household, with the same parents and same routines, can be completely different sleepers.
Cross-cultural perspective matters. In Japan and other collectivist cultures, co-sleeping is the norm — and those children grow into highly independent individuals, suggesting that the Western rush toward forced infant independence may be backwards.
Dependence comes before independence. Kids need to feel they can count on you first — secure attachment and responsiveness are what grow authentic independence, not withholding comfort.
There is no one right method. Whether you choose to co-sleep, room-share, use routines, or try a gentler sleep approach — if it feels aligned with your values and your child's temperament, and it's safe, it's valid.
Attachment is about overall patterns, not individual hard nights. Two tough days during a sleep transition will not override a foundation of responsiveness and connection.

About the Guest
Rachael Shepard-Ohta is the founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby, a certified sleep consultant with a Master's in Education and certifications in infant-parent mental health. She is also the host of the No One Told Us and You're So Right podcasts, a San Francisco mom of three, and has a book coming out February 2027. Rachael helps families find responsive, attachment-based sleep solutions without guilt or forceful sleep training.
🌐 Website: heysleepybaby.com
📸 Instagram: @heysleepybaby
🎥 YouTube: Hey Sleepy Baby
💼 LinkedIn: Rachael Shepard-Ohta

Resources Mentioned
🔬 Infant Sleep Variability Research — Longitudinal Study of Sleep Behavior in Normal Infants During the First Year of Life (Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 2014) — Research confirming that infant sleep duration shows high inter-individual variability and does not improve in a linear fashion.
🧠 Infant & Toddler Sleep Research Narrative Review (2025) — ScienceDirect — Comprehensive overview of 25 years of infant sleep research, covering developmental shifts, parenting practices, and behavioral sleep interventions.
🌍 Co-Sleeping in Context: Japan vs. U.S. Study — PubMed / Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine — Classic cross-cultural study showing that co-sleeping in Japan is not associated with increased sleep problems.
🇯🇵 Co-Sleeping: Cultural Norms Around the World — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Rachael's own deep-dive into how cultures like Japan approach infant sleep very differently from the U.S.
🌡️ Temperament + Sleep Workshop — Hey Sleepy Baby — Rachael's live workshop helping parents decode their child's temperament and sensory style to support better sleep.
😴 Sensory Ideas for Better Sleep — Hey Sleepy Baby Blog — Free resource on how sensory needs and temperament affect sleep at every age.
🎧 No One Told Us Podcast — Apple Podcasts | Spotify — Rachael's own podcast covering the raw, unfiltered truths of parenthood.
📚 Hey Sleepy Baby Free Resources & Guides — heysleepybaby.com — Courses, workshops, 1-on-1 consults, and free blog content.

Connect
Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary
Stress is universal — but how we respond to it isn't. In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) breaks down what stress actually is, why your personal history shapes your stress response, and how to manage it in a way that protects both your well-being and your relationship with your kids. From completing the stress cycle to talking to your children about fight-or-flight in real time, this episode is a practical, compassionate guide to becoming a more regulated — and more connected — parent.
Key Takeaways
Stress is both external and internal. The stressor is the event; the stress response is what happens in your body. You can influence both.
Your attachment history shapes your reactivity. How your caregivers handled stress became your internal blueprint — but it can be rewritten.
Pause, reflect, decide. Before reacting, notice the stressor, name your body's response, then consciously choose how you want to respond.
Completing the stress cycle matters. The stress energy in your body needs to move through — via movement, venting, crying, or physical expression — or it accumulates.
The "F-it Bucket" is a real strategy. Not every stressor deserves equal energy. Deliberately release the unnecessary ones.
Witnesses reduce stress. Having people who say "I see you, I get it" is neurologically powerful — community is medicine.
Talking to kids about stress teaches them to self-regulate. Simple scripts like "I'm having a stress response in my body" model emotional literacy your kids will internalize.
Some stress is productive. The goal isn't zero stress — it's the right amount that motivates action without causing paralysis or chronic agitation.

Resources Mentioned
📖 Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski & Amelia Nagoski Amazon | Publisher (Penguin Random House)
📖 How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To by Eli Harwood (mentioned in episode — includes a full section on perfectionism) Amazon | AttachmentNerd.com

About Eli Harwood
Eli Harwood (MA, LPC) is a licensed therapist, USA Today bestselling author, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. With 19+ years of clinical experience, she translates peer-reviewed attachment research into practical, shame-free guidance for parents. She is the author of Raising Securely Attached Kids, Securely Attached, Uniquely Us, and How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To.
🌐 Website: attachmentnerd.com
📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd
🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerd

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary
In this episode, Eli sits down with Laura, the Foster Parent Partner — author, content creator, and foster care advocate with nearly 300K followers — to have an honest, compassionate conversation about the realities of foster parenting. They explore what it truly means to show up for kids from hard places, how foster parents can survive a broken system, and why even one safe home can change the entire trajectory of a child's life.
Key Takeaways
Foster parenting is a life-changing and profoundly disruptive experience — in the best and hardest ways. Honesty about this upfront protects both caregivers and children.
Foster parents serve as critical buffers between a child's traumatic past, an imperfect system, and a safer present — and that buffering matters enormously for long-term healing.
The small, consistent, everyday moments — rubbing a child's back, making their favorite dinner, laughing together — are not small at all. For kids from hard places, they are revolutionary.
Expanding your window of tolerance as a caregiver — not just changing the child's behavior — is the key skill in trauma-informed fostering.
Even if you foster a child for a short time, you may be "the one home" they remember as the safe place that helped them heal years later in therapy.
The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) framework helps us understand risk factors, and foster parents are one of the most powerful protective factors a child can have.
Burnout is common and valid — give yourself grace, ask for help, and focus on what you can control each day.

About the Guest
Laura — The Foster Parent Partner is a content creator, therapeutic foster parent, and author who supports the foster parenting community with practical, trauma-informed guidance. She has built a community of nearly 300K followers across social platforms and channeled that expertise into her new book, First-Time Fostering: A Practical Guide for Supporting Kids in Foster Care.
🌐 Website: fosterparentpartner.com
📸 Instagram: @foster.parenting
▶️ YouTube: youtube.com/@foster.parenting
💼 LinkedIn: Laura Foster Parent Partner

Resources Mentioned
📗 First-Time Fostering by Laura the Foster Parent Partner — firsttimefostering.com | Amazon
🏫 Dr. Karyn Purvis & TBRI® (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) — The research framework behind "kids from hard places" — Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at TCU
📋 ACE Questionnaire (Adverse Childhood Experiences) — The CDC-Kaiser study measuring childhood trauma risk factors and adult health outcomes — CDC ACE Study Overview
🧠 EMDR Therapy — Trauma processing protocol referenced by Eli — APA Overview of EMDR | EMDR International Association
🔗 Foster Parent Partner Community — fosterparentpartner.com

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/
Mentioned in this episode:
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How to Deal with Talking to Your Kids About Pornography
Episode Summary
After a disturbing news story surfaced exposing widespread abuse on a major pornography platform, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) is stepping up with a calm, practical guide for parents. In this solo episode, Eli walks you through exactly how to have an honest, age-appropriate, shame-free conversation with your kids about pornography — what it is, why it distorts reality, how addiction cycles form, and how to keep the dialogue open. Whether your child is in elementary school or high school, this episode gives you the scripts and the confidence to show up for one of the most important conversations of their childhood.
Key Takeaways
Regulate before you educate — process your own feelings first so you can show up calm and clear for your child
Timing matters — choose a low-pressure moment (weekends, car rides) when your child has emotional bandwidth to absorb the conversation
Pornography is not reality — teach kids that the bodies, acts, and dynamics they see on screen are often inaccurate, demeaning, and not representative of healthy, mutual sexuality
Many people in pornographic videos are not there by choice — help kids understand they may inadvertently be consuming content involving trafficking or abuse, and that there's no reliable way to tell the difference
Arousal is automatic — and designed — explain to teens that the arousal they feel watching porn is engineered by the platform, not a moral failing, and walk them through the shame-arousal cycle that leads to addiction
Shame is the primary fuel for pornography use — an open, non-judgmental dialogue at home dramatically reduces the risk of a child developing a secretive, compulsive relationship with pornography
Screen limits reduce exposure risk — delaying smartphone access and building real-world social skills provides meaningful protection
You can course-correct — even if you've already given a young child a smartphone, it's never too late to change the rules with honesty and love

About the Host
Eli Harwood (she/her), MA, LPC, is a licensed therapist, USA TODAY bestselling author, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. With 19+ years of clinical experience, she translates decades of attachment science into warm, practical, shame-free parenting guidance. She is the author of Raising Securely Attached Kids and How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To, and the creator of the Secure Parenting Program.
🌐 Website: attachmentnerd.com
📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd
🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerd

Resources Mentioned
📖 Raising Securely Attached Kids by Eli Harwood — Buy on Amazon | Publisher Page (includes a full chapter on navigating tricky topic conversations with kids)
📖 How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To by Eli Harwood — Buy on Amazon | Publisher Page (Eli's newest book — helps parents work through anxiety, shame, and emotional baggage so it doesn't pass down)
📖 The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt — Buy on Amazon | Author Site (research on smartphones, social media, and the mental health crisis in young people)
🎓 Secure Parenting Program by Attachment Nerd — Join Here (pay-what-you-can, lifetime access, community support)

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

How to Deal with Raising Tweens & Teens with Dr. Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll Bennett
Episode Summary
If you're a parent staring down the tunnel of adolescence and feeling the dread building — this episode is your permission slip to exhale. Eli sits down with Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett of Less Awkward for a warm, wildly informative, and surprisingly funny conversation about what puberty actually is, why it's happening earlier than ever, and how to be the parent your tween or teen genuinely needs — even when they're slamming doors and rolling their eyes. Expect real science, real talk, and a boxing metaphor that will change how you show up for your kid.
Key Takeaways
Adolescence is not something to survive — it's something to lean into. The mood swings, the push-back, the withdrawal: it's developmental, it's hormonal, and most importantly, it's not personal.
Puberty is starting 2–3 years earlier than it did a generation ago. Average onset is now ages 8–9 for girls and 9–10 for boys. The first sign? According to pediatric endocrinologist Louise Greenspan: a slamming door.
ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and socioeconomic stress accelerate puberty through chronic cortisol release — not race. Kids of color are often entering puberty earlier, and this intersects with data showing that adults tend to age children of color as older than they are, creating an unfair double burden.
Sex hormones surge and drop every 6–12 hours — which is why your kid can seem perfectly reasonable at breakfast and completely dysregulated by dinner. It's not you, it's biology.
Your job is to be the corner person, not get in the ring. Like a boxing coach, your role is to offer a place to rest, encouragement, and steady presence — not to fight their battles or fight them.
Silence is not rejection. A teen who won't talk still wants you there. Try the car, the walk, the lights-out bedtime check-in — and if all else fails, just sit in silence. Stay.
When you mess up (and you will), own it and repair. Research shows kids gain respect for parents who apologize and take do-overs. It also models exactly what we want them to do with their mistakes.
Your attitude toward adolescence becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you dread it, they'll become dreadful. Studies show kids absorb the expectations adults project onto them.

About the Guests
Dr. Cara Natterson
Dr. Cara Natterson is a pediatrician, speaker, educator, and one of the foremost voices on tween and teen health. She is the Founder and CEO of Less Awkward and the New York Times bestselling author of The Care and Keeping of You series with American Girl.
🌐 Website: lessawkward.com
📸 Instagram: @less.awkward
🐦 Twitter/X: @caranatterson
💼 LinkedIn: Cara Natterson
📺 YouTube: Less Awkward

Vanessa Kroll Bennett
Vanessa Kroll Bennett is a USA Today bestselling author and co-host of the This Is So Awkward podcast. As President of Content at Less Awkward, she helps adults navigate the challenges of raising tweens and teens with joy and humor.
🌐 Website: vanessakrollbennett.com
📸 Instagram: @vanessakrollbennett
🐦 Twitter/X: @vanessakbennett
💼 LinkedIn: Vanessa Kroll Bennett
📺 YouTube: Less Awkward

Resources Mentioned
📚 This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained by Dr. Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll Bennett — the book discussed throughout this episode (Amazon)
🏫 Less Awkward Parent Hub — the comprehensive parent resource platform with courses, community, and an AI puberty Q&A bot
🎙️ This Is So Awkward Podcast — Cara & Vanessa's own show on puberty and adolescence (Apple Podcasts)
🔬 Herman-Giddens et al., 1997 — Landmark Puberty Study (Pediatrics, 99(4):505–512) — the first large-scale study of 17,000 girls documenting earlier puberty onset, referenced in the episode
👩‍⚕️ Dr. Louise Greenspan — pediatric endocrinologist at UCSF, quoted as saying "the first sign of puberty is a slamming door"
🧪 The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Adolescent Social Expectations — research on how adult expectations shape teen outcomes (PMC/NCBI)
🩺 CDC: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) — background resource on the ACE framework discussed in the episode

Connect with Eli
Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/