Martini Shot

Rob Long remembers Radford Studios — the working lot in Studio City where the parking sheet promised “premium” spots that never quite existed, the guard who couldn’t understand why you’d skip the Leave It to Beaver street for the fifth floor of the garage, and a writer friend who stumbled, mid-meltdown, onto the abandoned set of Gilligan’s Island. This week, news broke that Goldman Sachs — having seized the lot after Hackman Capital Partners defaulted on a $1.1 billion mortgage — is selling it to Netflix for a fraction of what Hackman paid in 2021. Turns out the premium parking wasn’t premium after all. It never really was.
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Rob Long is at a bar on a Monday night, pretending to pay attention to a conversation while secretly watching CBS’ The Neighborhood on a TV across the room, sound off. He predicts every beat of the episode anyway. A friend in the business says that’s exactly the problem with those shows. Rob disagrees — politely, and then less politely. Sitcoms are the same as they always are. That’s the point.
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There’s a lesson Rob Long learned early in his television career: When an actor has a problem with the script, the smartest thing you can do is nothing. Don’t talk. Don’t fix. Don’t explain. Just listen — because sometimes that’s all anyone really needs.
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The TV comedy writers’ room has a reputation as a creative paradise — funny people, good lunches, great jokes. That reputation is not wrong. It just leaves out the part where everyone is being systematically destroyed. Rob Long makes the case that the destruction is the point — that the specific cruelty available only to people who have been in rooms together for decades is what produces the trust that produces the comedy. Without it, you’re left with Zoom rooms and unfunny scripts.

Transcript here
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Rob Long has spent 30-plus years in the television business telling other people what’s wrong with their scripts. But the tables can — and often do — turn. Rob’s seminary classmate doing his first open mic informed Rob that his joke suggestions are, and this is a direct quote, “too wordy.” And Rob remembers the time a day player on one of his shows submitted a spec script for the very same show — titled, with magnificent audacity, “Billy Moves In” — and then proceeded to give Rob detailed notes on everything that was wrong with his series and how all of it could be fixed by the addition of his part. The lesson, such as it is: In this business, the note always lands, regardless of who’s delivering it. Even if it’s Billy. Even if it’s a seminary student. Even if they’re completely wrong. Which they were. Probably.

Transcript here.
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